Archive for category personal

Happiness

As promised I wanted to write more here. Now, this weekend in the Financial Times, FT Weekend Magazine August 28/29 2010, there was an article on Happiness. Nick Powdthavee reveals seven surprising new discoveries about happiness. Carl Wilkinson asks some happy people how they manage it. So here is the summary added with some of my thoughts.

Allegedly we overestimate the extend and duration of the emotional impacts of e.g. pay rise or death of a loved one. However what really seems to influence our happiness are things like family and friends. All we need to do is devote more time and energy into it, and we will be happier. But how should that work, where we spend most of the day working hard to earn more money to buy us happiness, like bigger cars, houses and more fun? A vicious cycle.

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

What does that mean? Does that mean, similar to Buddhist theories, that the answer for happiness lies within us? Am I on the right track to discover what makes me happy inside me?

1) Money buys you little happiness: I suppose we already knew that. Not only do we spend more time with things we don’t enjoy (normally) that results in more money, hence we are less happy in order to earn more money? Studies show that poor people have a happier life than richer people because they focus on what they have (see above).

There is an interview with a mathematician saying “mathematics can help planning but doesn’t provide with all the answers“. I once met someone who thought that life can be explained by maths. I disagree but I believe that it is easier to comprehend life if you can put it into a formula. Look at great people like Pythagoras.

2) Friends are worth more than a Ferrari – again a disguise of money. Bigger house, bigger car…it is all in relation. How can you ever be content with what you have if you think that you have to have the most expensive item, the bigger item than your neighbour/peer?

3) Winning the lottery won’t make you instantly happy – Ok, I now see a clear pattern of this article. Again, money just let’s us being able to let go of worries like mortgages. If you are ill, have a disabled child and no friends, you are isolated, and money won’t help you change that.

A Likert scale puts values of “getting married” against money gain to compare it of £200,000 – how is that ever going to work. They don’t drill on this scale, but I believe that certain things, like getting married or having a child cannot and shouldn’t be measured in money. What about morale? Why do we have to put everything we do down to a value in money?

4) Losing your job makes you unhappy – but less so when others have too. I suppose if you look at the greater scale of things it damages your ego, but also your finances.

I begin to think that this article in the FT really tries to argue that happiness is not associated with money. However, when I read reason

5) Fat friends make you happier than thin ones, I was wondering. This has to do with comparison: if we think that people we really like are fatter and we compare ourselves to them and think we are better off, it makes us happier. Selfishness comes into play here big time. If someone else can eat, I can and still be slimmer than them.

Sir Tom Hunter who says that being rich makes him feel securer also adds that a positive attitude in life makes people happier, and ultimately achieve more. If you think that your glass is half full rather than half empty, you always will look for positive things and growth. This ultimately makes you achieve more things and you are pleased more with yourself. Makes very much sense to me.

6) Divorce can make you happy - it shows that if marriage fails and you break up, then you will get happier over time after your divorce. Now, this is another bad research if you ask me. If you are unhappy with ANY situation in your life, you would feel better and happier if you change that situation for the better. Common sense, no?

7) Happiness is contagious – happy people like to share their happiness with friends and family, so they ultimately get happier. They are happier, nicer, less hostile and their emotions are much more positive.

So overall an interesting article to evaluate whether you are happy, what you might want to change in your life to become happier.

I am happy: of course a lottery win would give me more security and more choice, but it wouldn’t make me happier. Success in my job, another healthy child, a healthy family will of course make me much much happier.

Nick published a book “The Happiness Equation” – in case you want to try to put it all in an equation?!

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Sunday Column (79)

This week, once again, passed very quickly. It was a very rainy week, miserable but successful. My boss from Germany was up in London and we had some important meetings and made good headway with some of our endeavours. So work wise, I am very happy at the moment.

Now, there is private life, which this week once again was too short. I didn’t even get a chance to practise Tai Chi or study Mandarin/Chinese. I just didn’t have time for anything. All I managed is another book about a something I cannot reveal yet. Very interesting though :-)

However, I really enjoyed the early mornings with Colin, building towers with some blocks that he smashes to pieces again. On Saturday we went to Godstone Farm, a place with animals and a big play area. I loved it ;-) And Colin did too. We spend at least an hour chasing each other, and daddy was very exhausted afterwards. But I wasn’t the only one.

Also my mother in law arrived on Thursday, helping out a bit as Jen needs to do less due to her pregnancy. It is great to have her, but of course it puts strain on her as well as us to live in one household. So far (I know it has only been a few days) things are working out. We make it work, for the children….
Of course I love to get pampered too, e.g. not having to do the ironing and dishes makes me very happy her being here :-)

I also managed to get some shopping done this weekend, some treats of nicer wine, nice cheese and olives, a new jeans and granny bought a few bits and pieces for the wee man. Overall, a very successful weekend. The weather is a bit wet/damp but we were lucky going to Godstone on Saturday as it was lovely weather, sunny and all.

Luckily there is a bank holiday tomorrow which means we have a long weekend. Also some friends from Winchester are coming up to see us, so we are looking forward to that. They expecting a child at the same time we expecting our 2nd. How fabulous that is going to be?

I will try to write more non personal stuff, more about personal development and some coaching and other ideas shortly. Believe me, there is plenty I can write about, just don’t find the time and energy at the moment.

Keep well,
Volker

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Sunday Column (78)

Hello,

I shouldn’t complain about work, I love it actually but it is getting quite a lot lately. So I am sitting here at the weekend, thinking that I should write another two proposals that need to be finalised on Monday. We shall see how the rest of the weekend goes.

Overall I am very pleased how things are progressing, both work wise and privately.

So no need to complain about anything really. Jen had another scan this week and things are ok. Her mum is coming down to stay with us and looking after her, the household and Colin. It will be tough but good, so I can continue to work as normal and Jen will have someone who gives her a hand.

Not much else happened this week. I spent the weekend de-cluttering the house and putting things in the loft that we currently don’t use. Also, I put our Kuckucks clock up again which we had laying about for over a year since we last decorated.

In all honesty this might be it that I can talk about this weekend. I spend most of the week working and then helping out my wife at night. Often I am sitting until late trying to get through my CD collection, ripping it into MP3s. Quite a boring life at the moment, but a good life.

I fertilised the lawn this weekend, hoping that it recovers from the hot summer. The weather is more like autumn than summer, and I expect it getting colder soon. I couldn’t even say whether summer was here, but I guess it was. Short and very hot, but maybe the winter is a bit milder than the last 2 years, we shall see.

Colin and I went swimming again, and I (and hopefully he too) enjoy this great time together.

Have a fantastic week,
Volker

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Loving your family

Now, I thought this is worth sharing.

Today, in the middle of a very busy day, I got “tagged” in a picture on Facebook. Hence I looked and found the one below.

I personally find this a treat. Like getting a surprise present. Like someone sending you a handwritten love letter.

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Sunday Column (77)

This week was odd, I think anyway. At work meetings got cancelled, everyone is busy, sales is slow but the prospect and response is great. Does that all make sense? More trouble with BT Business, as they just decided to charge us an arm and a leg for 1 hour calls to Germany (£53), which is just ridiculous or better: criminal. Overall things are good, and I registered a few domains to work on our corporate SEO. Overall, we are on track :-)

PS: if any competitor reads that, most good domains are now gone :-)

Privately, what has happened? I had drinks with two good friends, ex work colleagues and SEOs on Tuesday after I spent all day going to Manchester and back. We didn’t really get drunk but had a fantastic time, some ideas and lots of thoughts. Fantastic. Really enjoyed that guys!

I didn’t manage Tai Chi this week and decided on the new course in September. Colin got over his cold, so did I and my wife is feeling ok-ish, and she digged out the old guitar from her dad. Lovely to see her play (see!), but Colin seems to enjoy it ;-)

As for myself, I began to absolutely enjoy a nice piece from Mozart, Serenata Nottura, 1st Movement, Marcia Maestoso.

Also, my parents had their 40th wedding anniversary this weekend. I find it amazing and beautiful to think that one day, in a few many years….my wife and I hopefully celebrate 25 or even 50 years of marriage. My grand parents were married for over 65 years. What an achievement, and commitment. I am very proud.

On Saturday I took the boy swimming. Just Colin and me, as Jen needed some rest. I believe the next 6 months are going to be tough with us coming out stronger on the other end. It was great to take Colin swimming though, and having some father and son time.

The night we finished with the first ever roast lamb. It was fatty but overall a good taste and a nice diner.

Today we went to our neighbour’s daughters 100 day birthday party. Something which is very common in Korea allegedly. We enjoyed it a lot.

Speak next week,
Volker

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Sunday Column (76)

This weeks flew past with many many meetings. All good though and we are making progress. I now have to be careful what I write here, as my boss has discovered the blog and seems to have added it to his RSS feed :-) Just teasing ;-) I like my boss!

Luckily this week was less eventful than last week. However, we made preparations of handling Colin easier, without my wife lifting him. Quite a few adjustments, including a very cute duvet and duvet cover of the hungry caterpillar. Colin has had his ups and downs this week, and I managed to spend about an hour in the morning with him. His teeth still seem to bother him, but overall he is jolly good.

Another few things I wanted to mention. I tried out another Tai Chi class which I believe goes beyond what I am willing and ready to invest in regards to time and practise. But never say never. I will have to give up my Tai Chi class in Beckenham due to time restraints from my work. It is just not feasible to make it home by 7:30 pm, particularly on a Thursday. Currently, I think I go back to the practical class, e.g. pushing hands, on Tuesdays across the road from my work.

Then I was impressed with some customer service this week. One was with Blackberry Help via Twitter. After I installed the latest software update which had some problems, they talked me through todos on twitter to restore the old settings. Very helpful. The other one was BT Business. Our broadband seemed to drop every now and then in the office, so they first investigated via Twitter, called and seemed to have sorted the problem.

I remember a few years ago when I was at university, e.g. almost 10 years ago, and the first blogs came up. I mentioned to a few people that “companies should have a customer service real time response on their website” – here we go. Twitter makes it possible and if I had thought through my idea, I could sit on a full bank account now. What will the future hold….????

To be honest these are the key developments at the moment. I am recovering from a (mild) man-flu, and have a very busy week ahead. The weekend therefore was quite relaxing. We want to do some improvements on the house, and my wife finally agreed to a TV in the bedroom. More out of necessity as she needs to rest more. Ach well, should be a problem for me having a telly in the bedroom ;-)

Have a good week.
Volker

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What a lucky man I am

Hi,

Just thought this morning what a lucky man I am.
Reinhard Mey had a song related to this which translates similar to the following. Thought this is worth sharing.

Also, today is my Granddad’s birthday. That is if he was still alive, 102 he had been.

Here are the lyrics, Google translated and a bit refined. Surely you get the idea ;-)

The last holiday evening in the sunny country, a last meal
together with the family in the restaurant: bread crumbs, half-full glasses,
red wine stains on tablecloths. Aten, drunk and, we
talked and laughed a lot, the last, but this time really last glass
brought, paintings and drawing on the tablecloth and the change in the tray already
in front of me. On the table next to us, only the grey haired couple from Texas,
these golf pants and “hair dryer hair cut”, of course! Throughout the evening, they looked over to us,
They pay and he stands next to me, bends down to me and says softly to me in a low voice:
“What a lucky man you are! ”

I want to say something, and I’m looking for the word, but they have gone with a smile.
I am sitting back in the chair
I look at the table with the large young man who gave me a smile, and I see
flashes in his eyes, dark humour and absurdity,
which seem like pranks and all my sadness of the world simultaneously.
Joker, do-gooder – a bit like I was – and I see myself
in him again, once a young fool. Yesterday I saw him still in me but
put in his seat today, [...] “What a lucky man you are!”

[..]

Since the woman is at my side, which steers the ark with me, to me a
warm soul and gives me her wisdom, which I love and each
smallest word and every emotion I like, the friend, the accomplice, with me
together as “pitch and sulphur”, two against the whole world with which I
can pass through any life’s storm and every normal day. And I
sit here, still silent, even strange – there is a
Complete stranger at your table and makes you realize: you have everything you
wanted, everything in the world, how much unimportant stuff you often look at and worry about,
Look at it differently! Sometimes you need a stranger who puts a
mirror in front of you: “What a lucky man you are!”

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Sunday Column (75)

What could be a better start in the week. A 12 week scan of our “new” baby and the news that everything is ok. Happy days, and we were over the moon.

Unfortunately, this didn’t last too long, as my wife noticed some discomfort as of Monday night. We went to A&E, spoke to the ante-natal department, ended up in A&E on Wednesday again until 3 am, spoke to a specialist on Thursday morning, and the news is better than we anticipated: there will most probably be no risk for the baby and everything should be ok, however my wife won’t be able to lift heavy objects, will need a lot of rest and might get more discomfort over the forthcoming month. Finger’s crossed.

On this note I want to say thank you to our neighbours who not only drove my wife to A&E, helped looking after Colin but also gave us lots of support and help during these hours. This is great to have such wonderful neighbours!

We started making preparations now to make my wife’s life easier. Colin starts learning to go up and down the stairs himself, crawling into bed and his pram. He is growing and growing up, has almost 12 teeth, and whilst I am typing this just before 8 am on Saturday morning, he is sitting next to me playing with my Blackberry. He is so much fun and so enjoyable. I am a very happy and lucky man to have such a fantastic family.

Now, these were the main news of the week. We also had a mouse under the fridge but that is really not important, is it :-) I went to a more practical approach class of Tai Chi across from my work. Reason is that on the one hand I want to learn more about the practical application of Tai Chi. And, my Tai Chi class in Beckenham is at 7.30 pm and there is no way that I can make it in time back from work.

Work is great. After 2 weeks away I noticed how great my new colleague is, and we are making lots of progress. Whilst August seems slower than expected, we are now having loads of meetings to prepare for a storm in autumn ;-)

Our first weekend back from our holidays was spend planning, and un-planning visits and trips we wanted to do. Weddings unfortunately too. The next 6 months (and beyond) are all about getting my wife as comfortable as possible, for her to manage every day with Colin and not to have too much discomfort carrying our 2nd child. And, we are very excited to have Colin’s little brother….or sister.

Have a fantastic week.
Volker

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Bigger family

Now it’s official.

We are expecting another Ballueder early February.

Volker

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Sunday Column (74)

As of the last two weeks, our wee family has been on holidays. Hence I am not sure where to start. Maybe with a family picture taken in Skye:

We took our XC90 from London up to Scotland on a few hundred, or more over 2,000 miles stretch. Whilst it took almost 2 hours to get out of London, the rest of the journey up North was ok. We drove from London all the way to Paisley outside Glasgow. From there we drove up to Skye the next morning where we spend the weekend with a really good friend who really spoiled us and hit off the holidays nicely. On Monday we went to Dingwall where my wife is from, and from there we drove up to Orkney for the remainder of the week. We stopped at a few distilleries on the way and had a fantastic time. I have to admit that I love the XC90. It is comfortable to drive, easy to drive and one feels safe in it both for us but also, and more importantly, for Colin. The idea of a rear facing car seat and the decision to buy a car that fits those requirements was definitely right. However, being on Orkney, a warning light came on that there is something wrong with the transmission. A local garage checked it and it seemed to have been a wrong signalling from the sensor. Never mind, just getting the car checked every now and then seems to be an expensive hobby :-( So far the car has costs more than anticipate, given the size of the engine it also eats on insurance and tax. We shall see how much use we make of it over the next 12 months. Having a family and being able to have a car at our discretion is important and helps a lot. Unfortunately, we don’t have the option to downsize due to the car seat and size of ourselves. And actually, I love “the machine” ;-)

And Colin was great too. I finally got time to spend whole days with him. He was ok driving too, and I had a fantastic time being with him in every aspect of his day. It even went as far as that Colin cried when I left the room. Now I know how it feels to be a “mum” :-) He took his first steps just before we left London, however being in Skye he walked for at least 15 steps. At the end of the holidays he is walking properly, and he also looks very cute pulling up his shoulders when walking :-) His interaction is more fun and he starts tidying things up. At his great auntie Sally’s home he spent all evening tidying away cloth pegs. He also laughs so much. The only draw back of a long journey and the sight seeing is that Colin fell asleep in the car and we had to wake him up every 30-45 minutes to stop somewhere and do some more sight seeing. You felt sorry for him being fed up with being driven and pushed around, so we made sure we put a few hours play into our daily routine in either granny’s house or the local play areas. I managed to spend most mornings in the second week playing with him, and we had great laughs. He is so much fun to be around. I fully enjoy being a dad and seeing my son grow up. We got so many compliments from people of how handsome he is too :-) He is really taking after me!

The picture above was taken in Skype, below are the Churchill Barriers where you can still find wrecks of the boats that sank in the 2nd World war at Scapa Flow.

The first week we went to Orkney on a 90 minute boat journey and spend almost a whole week there. Jen’s family on her father’s side is from Stromness and the person in the garage where we got the car checked out was related to a Clouston too. A small world/island. So we met some aunties of which one had a dog. Colin took some time but ended up loving the dog and play with her. That was fantastic to see him engaging with animals outside his comfort zone. We visited some historic sites like the Ring of Brodgar, Skara Brae, Maes Howe, St. Magnus Cathedral, Churchill Barriers, Scapa Flow, and the Italian Chapel. You can google them all yourself, but Jen put a very nice programme together. Funny enough Colin’s godfather and his wife were on the island at the same time we were, so we met them too, mainly to see the Highland Park distillery. That was a bit disappointing as they outsource quite a bit of work to the mainland, e.g. the Highland Park Whisky is not 100% made in Orkney :-(

Orkney is one of those places you automatically fall in love with. So was Skye and the Westcoast. But whilst Orkney is rather cold and windy, the light makes the environment come out in various colours and let’s the island show off its beauty. I find it nicer than Skye personally, although I could imagine living in either of them. However, that wouldn’t be before retirement age unless Talisker or Scapa distillery would offer me a job ;-) It really brings up our current discussion on where we want to bring up children, where we want to live etc. Maybe the UK, maybe Scotland comes back on the decision matrix?

Now I have written a bit about the whiskys. I got some “Distiller’s Edition” of Talisker, Clynelish, and Lagavulin (I know it is an Islay Whisky but they all belong to the Diageo Group which now owns 26 distilleries of the over 80 in Scotland). On the way back to Dingwall we stopped at my most favourite Whisky Distillery in the Highlands: Dalmore. I treated myself to one of the last two bottles of Dalmore MacKenzie 1992 they had sitting about. Ach well, I can either keep it for Colin and by then the bottle might be worth above £1,000, or I can enjoy it. The choice might be clearer than I originally thought ;-) Hence we actually tasted this “golden nectar” with a good family friend in Dingwall.

From the second weekend of the holidays, we stayed with the Mother in Law in Jenny’s home town, Dingwall. We attended yet another wedding where, although we only spend the evening there, I managed to get quite tipsy ;-) Also, we met with good friends from our time in Aberdeen in Inverness. Most have families now, so it is weird to be all “grown up”, seeing them with children (and vice versa I suppose), meeting at places where the kids can play, seeking child friendly places. I still find it difficult to comprehend that I am not “mummy’s boy” any more, not being looked after, not going to university or school with no or little responsibility.

Having some time off, I had lots of time to reflect and think where I am in life and where to go. Jenny and I have many ambitions, plans and ideas but we both agree that we need to focus on where we get the best in life for our children. It is about opportunities for my career, for our children’s education and the society our children grow up in. But it is also about happiness, environment and the combination of all of those factors above. The future will tell, and Scotland is not out of question for a place to settle down at some stage in life….at the latest when I retire ;-) Then I might be smoking cigars similar to the one you see on the “snapshot” my wife took of me on the ferry crossing. Daddy Cool I guess – just being me, being on holiday :-)

I think that finalises our two weeks holidays, but of course a final and first game of golf at a lovely golf course in Fortrose. I think I might seriously consider playing golf. However, it might have been the last holiday for a while but I explain that maybe next week. Of course my wife will put more pictures up soon and share them with you. Let me know if you haven’t received them but would like to. The collection here are just a few chosen ones, but I have seen some of the ones my wife took, and they are amazing pictures. Yes, I am sure she will be starting a career in photography sometime soon ;-)

Enough said. Two weeks. Thanks to modern technology I was connected to work, emails and Facebook. Should have I? Again, a question to be answered once you figured out what is the most important thing is in life. And, currently, that might just be the little fella looking around the screen of my laptop, shouting at me typing.

I better get off now.

Thanks to my wife for organising a fantastic trip and time away.

Volker

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