Allegedly we overestimate the extend and duration of the emotional impacts of e.g. pay rise or death of a loved one. However what really seems to influence our happiness are things like family and friends. All we need to do is devote more time and energy into it, and we will be happier. But how should that work, where we spend most of the day working hard to earn more money to buy us happiness, like bigger cars, houses and more fun? A vicious cycle.

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

What does that mean? Does that mean, similar to Buddhist theories, that the answer for happiness lies within us? Am I on the right track to discover what makes me happy inside me?

1) Money buys you little happiness: I suppose we already knew that. Not only do we spend more time with things we don’t enjoy (normally) that results in more money, hence we are less happy in order to earn more money? Studies show that poor people have a happier life than richer people because they focus on what they have (see above).

There is an interview with a mathematician saying “mathematics can help planning but doesn’t provide with all the answers“. I once met someone who thought that life can be explained by maths. I disagree but I believe that it is easier to comprehend life if you can put it into a formula. Look at great people like Pythagoras.

2) Friends are worth more than a Ferrari – again a disguise of money. Bigger house, bigger car…it is all in relation. How can you ever be content with what you have if you think that you have to have the most expensive item, the bigger item than your neighbour/peer?

3) Winning the lottery won’t make you instantly happy – Ok, I now see a clear pattern of this article. Again, money just let’s us being able to let go of worries like mortgages. If you are ill, have a disabled child and no friends, you are isolated, and money won’t help you change that.

A Likert scale puts values of “getting married” against money gain to compare it of £200,000 – how is that ever going to work. They don’t drill on this scale, but I believe that certain things, like getting married or having a child cannot and shouldn’t be measured in money. What about morale? Why do we have to put everything we do down to a value in money?

4) Losing your job makes you unhappy – but less so when others have too. I suppose if you look at the greater scale of things it damages your ego, but also your finances.

I begin to think that this article in the FT really tries to argue that happiness is not associated with money. However, when I read reason

5) Fat friends make you happier than thin ones, I was wondering. This has to do with comparison: if we think that people we really like are fatter and we compare ourselves to them and think we are better off, it makes us happier. Selfishness comes into play here big time. If someone else can eat, I can and still be slimmer than them.

Sir Tom Hunter who says that being rich makes him feel securer also adds that a positive attitude in life makes people happier, and ultimately achieve more. If you think that your glass is half full rather than half empty, you always will look for positive things and growth. This ultimately makes you achieve more things and you are pleased more with yourself. Makes very much sense to me.

6) Divorce can make you happy - it shows that if marriage fails and you break up, then you will get happier over time after your divorce. Now, this is another bad research if you ask me. If you are unhappy with ANY situation in your life, you would feel better and happier if you change that situation for the better. Common sense, no?

7) Happiness is contagious – happy people like to share their happiness with friends and family, so they ultimately get happier. They are happier, nicer, less hostile and their emotions are much more positive.

So overall an interesting article to evaluate whether you are happy, what you might want to change in your life to become happier.

I am happy: of course a lottery win would give me more security and more choice, but it wouldn’t make me happier. Success in my job, another healthy child, a healthy family will of course make me much much happier.

Nick published a book “The Happiness Equation” – in case you want to try to put it all in an equation?!

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Now, there is private life, which this week once again was too short. I didn’t even get a chance to practise Tai Chi or study Mandarin/Chinese. I just didn’t have time for anything. All I managed is another book about a something I cannot reveal yet. Very interesting though

However, I really enjoyed the early mornings with Colin, building towers with some blocks that he smashes to pieces again. On Saturday we went to Godstone Farm, a place with animals and a big play area. I loved it And Colin did too. We spend at least an hour chasing each other, and daddy was very exhausted afterwards. But I wasn’t the only one.

Also my mother in law arrived on Thursday, helping out a bit as Jen needs to do less due to her pregnancy. It is great to have her, but of course it puts strain on her as well as us to live in one household. So far (I know it has only been a few days) things are working out. We make it work, for the children….
Of course I love to get pampered too, e.g. not having to do the ironing and dishes makes me very happy her being here

I also managed to get some shopping done this weekend, some treats of nicer wine, nice cheese and olives, a new jeans and granny bought a few bits and pieces for the wee man. Overall, a very successful weekend. The weather is a bit wet/damp but we were lucky going to Godstone on Saturday as it was lovely weather, sunny and all.

Luckily there is a bank holiday tomorrow which means we have a long weekend. Also some friends from Winchester are coming up to see us, so we are looking forward to that. They expecting a child at the same time we expecting our 2nd. How fabulous that is going to be?

I will try to write more non personal stuff, more about personal development and some coaching and other ideas shortly. Believe me, there is plenty I can write about, just don’t find the time and energy at the moment.

Keep well,
Volker

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I shouldn’t complain about work, I love it actually but it is getting quite a lot lately. So I am sitting here at the weekend, thinking that I should write another two proposals that need to be finalised on Monday. We shall see how the rest of the weekend goes.

Overall I am very pleased how things are progressing, both work wise and privately.

So no need to complain about anything really. Jen had another scan this week and things are ok. Her mum is coming down to stay with us and looking after her, the household and Colin. It will be tough but good, so I can continue to work as normal and Jen will have someone who gives her a hand.

Not much else happened this week. I spent the weekend de-cluttering the house and putting things in the loft that we currently don’t use. Also, I put our Kuckucks clock up again which we had laying about for over a year since we last decorated.

In all honesty this might be it that I can talk about this weekend. I spend most of the week working and then helping out my wife at night. Often I am sitting until late trying to get through my CD collection, ripping it into MP3s. Quite a boring life at the moment, but a good life.

I fertilised the lawn this weekend, hoping that it recovers from the hot summer. The weather is more like autumn than summer, and I expect it getting colder soon. I couldn’t even say whether summer was here, but I guess it was. Short and very hot, but maybe the winter is a bit milder than the last 2 years, we shall see.

Colin and I went swimming again, and I (and hopefully he too) enjoy this great time together.

Have a fantastic week,
Volker

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Today, in the middle of a very busy day, I got “tagged” in a picture on Facebook. Hence I looked and found the one below.

I personally find this a treat. Like getting a surprise present. Like someone sending you a handwritten love letter.

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Tony Robbins: Why we do what we do, and how we can do it better

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PS: if any competitor reads that, most good domains are now gone

Privately, what has happened? I had drinks with two good friends, ex work colleagues and SEOs on Tuesday after I spent all day going to Manchester and back. We didn’t really get drunk but had a fantastic time, some ideas and lots of thoughts. Fantastic. Really enjoyed that guys!

I didn’t manage Tai Chi this week and decided on the new course in September. Colin got over his cold, so did I and my wife is feeling ok-ish, and she digged out the old guitar from her dad. Lovely to see her play (see!), but Colin seems to enjoy it

As for myself, I began to absolutely enjoy a nice piece from Mozart, Serenata Nottura, 1st Movement, Marcia Maestoso.

Also, my parents had their 40th wedding anniversary this weekend. I find it amazing and beautiful to think that one day, in a few many years….my wife and I hopefully celebrate 25 or even 50 years of marriage. My grand parents were married for over 65 years. What an achievement, and commitment. I am very proud.

On Saturday I took the boy swimming. Just Colin and me, as Jen needed some rest. I believe the next 6 months are going to be tough with us coming out stronger on the other end. It was great to take Colin swimming though, and having some father and son time.

The night we finished with the first ever roast lamb. It was fatty but overall a good taste and a nice diner.

Today we went to our neighbour’s daughters 100 day birthday party. Something which is very common in Korea allegedly. We enjoyed it a lot.

Speak next week,
Volker

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Luckily this week was less eventful than last week. However, we made preparations of handling Colin easier, without my wife lifting him. Quite a few adjustments, including a very cute duvet and duvet cover of the hungry caterpillar. Colin has had his ups and downs this week, and I managed to spend about an hour in the morning with him. His teeth still seem to bother him, but overall he is jolly good.

Another few things I wanted to mention. I tried out another Tai Chi class which I believe goes beyond what I am willing and ready to invest in regards to time and practise. But never say never. I will have to give up my Tai Chi class in Beckenham due to time restraints from my work. It is just not feasible to make it home by 7:30 pm, particularly on a Thursday. Currently, I think I go back to the practical class, e.g. pushing hands, on Tuesdays across the road from my work.

Then I was impressed with some customer service this week. One was with Blackberry Help via Twitter. After I installed the latest software update which had some problems, they talked me through todos on twitter to restore the old settings. Very helpful. The other one was BT Business. Our broadband seemed to drop every now and then in the office, so they first investigated via Twitter, called and seemed to have sorted the problem.

I remember a few years ago when I was at university, e.g. almost 10 years ago, and the first blogs came up. I mentioned to a few people that “companies should have a customer service real time response on their website” – here we go. Twitter makes it possible and if I had thought through my idea, I could sit on a full bank account now. What will the future hold….????

To be honest these are the key developments at the moment. I am recovering from a (mild) man-flu, and have a very busy week ahead. The weekend therefore was quite relaxing. We want to do some improvements on the house, and my wife finally agreed to a TV in the bedroom. More out of necessity as she needs to rest more. Ach well, should be a problem for me having a telly in the bedroom

Have a good week.
Volker

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Just thought this morning what a lucky man I am.
Reinhard Mey had a song related to this which translates similar to the following. Thought this is worth sharing.

Also, today is my Granddad’s birthday. That is if he was still alive, 102 he had been.

Here are the lyrics, Google translated and a bit refined. Surely you get the idea

The last holiday evening in the sunny country, a last meal
together with the family in the restaurant: bread crumbs, half-full glasses,
red wine stains on tablecloths. Aten, drunk and, we
talked and laughed a lot, the last, but this time really last glass
brought, paintings and drawing on the tablecloth and the change in the tray already
in front of me. On the table next to us, only the grey haired couple from Texas,
these golf pants and “hair dryer hair cut”, of course! Throughout the evening, they looked over to us,
They pay and he stands next to me, bends down to me and says softly to me in a low voice:
“What a lucky man you are! ”

I want to say something, and I’m looking for the word, but they have gone with a smile.
I am sitting back in the chair
I look at the table with the large young man who gave me a smile, and I see
flashes in his eyes, dark humour and absurdity,
which seem like pranks and all my sadness of the world simultaneously.
Joker, do-gooder – a bit like I was – and I see myself
in him again, once a young fool. Yesterday I saw him still in me but
put in his seat today, [...] “What a lucky man you are!”

[..]

Since the woman is at my side, which steers the ark with me, to me a
warm soul and gives me her wisdom, which I love and each
smallest word and every emotion I like, the friend, the accomplice, with me
together as “pitch and sulphur”, two against the whole world with which I
can pass through any life’s storm and every normal day. And I
sit here, still silent, even strange – there is a
Complete stranger at your table and makes you realize: you have everything you
wanted, everything in the world, how much unimportant stuff you often look at and worry about,
Look at it differently! Sometimes you need a stranger who puts a
mirror in front of you: “What a lucky man you are!”

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Unfortunately, this didn’t last too long, as my wife noticed some discomfort as of Monday night. We went to A&E, spoke to the ante-natal department, ended up in A&E on Wednesday again until 3 am, spoke to a specialist on Thursday morning, and the news is better than we anticipated: there will most probably be no risk for the baby and everything should be ok, however my wife won’t be able to lift heavy objects, will need a lot of rest and might get more discomfort over the forthcoming month. Finger’s crossed.

On this note I want to say thank you to our neighbours who not only drove my wife to A&E, helped looking after Colin but also gave us lots of support and help during these hours. This is great to have such wonderful neighbours!

We started making preparations now to make my wife’s life easier. Colin starts learning to go up and down the stairs himself, crawling into bed and his pram. He is growing and growing up, has almost 12 teeth, and whilst I am typing this just before 8 am on Saturday morning, he is sitting next to me playing with my Blackberry. He is so much fun and so enjoyable. I am a very happy and lucky man to have such a fantastic family.

Now, these were the main news of the week. We also had a mouse under the fridge but that is really not important, is it I went to a more practical approach class of Tai Chi across from my work. Reason is that on the one hand I want to learn more about the practical application of Tai Chi. And, my Tai Chi class in Beckenham is at 7.30 pm and there is no way that I can make it in time back from work.

Work is great. After 2 weeks away I noticed how great my new colleague is, and we are making lots of progress. Whilst August seems slower than expected, we are now having loads of meetings to prepare for a storm in autumn

Our first weekend back from our holidays was spend planning, and un-planning visits and trips we wanted to do. Weddings unfortunately too. The next 6 months (and beyond) are all about getting my wife as comfortable as possible, for her to manage every day with Colin and not to have too much discomfort carrying our 2nd child. And, we are very excited to have Colin’s little brother….or sister.

Have a fantastic week.
Volker

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Cheers
Volker

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