Sunday Column (243)

There are those weeks when you think that you want to say something but can’t or shouldn’t. No, I don’t want to slack the train companies off for working from home on Monday after the storm. It was nice and the boys appreciated every minute. They loved having the MIL over too. Tuesday and Wednesday just flew past in the office, and Thursday I met an old friend and business partner for lunch. That sounds as if we are a very old, but we aren’t. I had a day off on Friday. I met amazing people on Wednesday night. I had a good week. Oh, and the catch up with some more good friends on Thursday night. And, the party on Sunday, the walk on Saturday…..yes, this week has been fantastic.

I am sitting on a train again when starting to write this post. Reflecting on a good week, reflecting on the good moments, focusing on the important things. I just had a pint after my Rotary meeting, and thought of starting the weekly column. My wife posted on Facebook that my oldest said, at age 4, that he wanted to get married one day. To his mother of course.

Mother_KNows_best

We have all been there. The mother is the most important person in the world. When he is sick he asks for her, when hurt or upset he asks for her. Why wouldn’t any one not want to marry their mum?

The answer is obvious to our eyes. Yet, looking at the world from a four or two years’ old perspective, life is different. “I love you Daddy. I missed you during the week Daddy. You are not following the story on the Apple TV Daddy. Ich möchte mehr Apfelsaft bitte. I want to sit next to you.” Dads clearly fulfil a different role to mums. Mums are just amazing. They comfort, are around the whole day and care for one. They know when I am hungry, when I would like a drink, when I need a kick up the bum. They know when I am cheeky, rude, friendly, listen or not. They are the person I would like to marry.

Even after all those years, my mum still gives me the best advice. She still worries and has done so for many years. This will never change. And that’s really it. Simple. Our most important person in life. Even a wife cannot beat that, sorry. No surprise there that most men actually choose a wife that is similar to their mother 🙂 Or some wives have to put up sharing their boy with his mother. No, that’s luckily not the case with me.

sealife turtle

Enough about that. On Friday and the weekend I spend lots of time with my kids. Actually…Colin said to my wife on Saturday night that the best thing he did on Saturday was spending time with me. It makes me proud! On Friday I took the kids down to Brighton. A train ride, chips on the beach and then a stroll through SeaLife Brighton. They both enjoyed it a lot, but I think I enjoyed it most. I haven’t done that (ever) before to actually take initiative and take them both out by myself. The reason is that until now I have been too busy with myself, focused on other things at the weekend, and they were too little to do it. Only in the last 6 months, really this year, I enjoy spending the time with them, being there for them and have the confidence to take them out by myself. And the fun we had!

This might sound sad but I am not alone. Speaking to other dads, chatting with friends, this is normal. More so for some than others, and we all have different relationships to our kids, we all love them yet have more or less difficulties engaging with them. I believe that by this time next year we spend so much time together doing things, that mum will be jealous. Yet, as said above, she will always be the most important person in their life.

It is about the focus. Focusing on the people you spend time with and want to spend time with. Work is still our majority of time outside the house. You often cannot choose your colleagues yet you can choose what you do for a living. Then family, good friends….as said above, this week I chose wisely. I had a great week.

Rounding it up with the fireworks tonight. I probably report on them separately in a post, the weather is supposed to be rainy and we might just watch it from the top of the hill in the car, or not at all. We shall see.

I look forward to next week. There is lots to happen again. I got plans 🙂 But they often don’t plan out 🙁

Have a great one, look after yourself.
Volker