Posts Tagged being a dad
The Olympics seem to dominate London’s life. Transport so far had been little affected, at least for our guys in the office journeys to work are ok. The odd lateness and leaving early but nothing out of the extraordinary if that makes sense. We expected worse.
I was asked a couple of times which team I support. Really, I am not overly interested in the Olympics despite the fact they are happening in London. Whilst it might be a chance of a lifetime to go and watch an event, I am really not interested. Maybe sad but that’s the way it is. And if I had to cheer for a team, believe it or not, I would cheer for team GB. I arrived.
Btw arriving. You probably saw that we got our front and back door now. Finally peace. A few more decisions like garden, heating, decorating and loft insulation but that should be it. Now we are looking at the inside. Decoration, efficiency, warmth, beauty. My wife, and to a certain extent myself, are fed up. 8 weeks of constantly managing builders, receiving quotes, doing DIY. But we got there at the end. Look at what we all achieved. Life is good. The kids settling in. We feel home. We are happy!
Regarding the Olympics I found a great article about what it means from a coaching perspective.
For every Olympic gold medalist there is a team of trainers, coaches, parents, friends and supporters that encouraged and challenged them through the stretching and growth process. And for each one of our greatest accomplishments in life and work there is a story and group of people that made it possible.
If we try to stretch ourselves without the support of others we either won’t go very far or we’re likely to snap.
But when we have support and encouragement we are able to stretch ourselves and reach farther than we ever thought possible.
I see this at work. Summer months are slower in terms of revenue. But having the support structure, mentors, co-workers and good managers, coaches or family of course, will give you and each individual a support team to achieve your goals and aspirations.
It is like being a dad. I was made consciously aware this week how much Colin wants to be like his dad. Starting from the underpants. Of course you know about that. Kids using their parents as role models. But wait a second, that is me. I have this responsibility of what my kids want to be like. I cannot have a cigar around them or get drunk. I cannot shout at someone or be rude. I am in charge of my own life and the development of two little people.
And you know what? It is fantastic. You can be a mentor, trainer and coach. Every day. Every night. Hopefully for another 30 odd years. A helper, friend, buddy, dad. A mentor. A role model. A leader.
That is what I enjoy. That gives me inner satisfaction. That is what makes me tick, this gets me excited. I love to manage and coach. I arrived.
This week concluded a roller coaster ride. Nothing I’d disclose here but I am working on a few challenges. They make me stronger, smarter, better. So it is good.
My sleeping routine will change again. After a week of looking at my hours of sleep versus my energy level I believe 6 hours are my optimum. So this gives me another hour to work on stuff.
Have a fantastic week.
I has been almost 20 months now that my son Colin was born. And I remember what stage in life I was in. I just got made redundant from a company where I put so much hard work and effort in, hoping we could turn it around. I was sitting in “a car I knew that would crash” and before the company reached the wall, I was pulled out of it.
Partly glad to have left, I was more anxious than ever to not find a new job. We were in the middle of the recession then. I now had to support a family. I didn’t want my wife to worry. I spend days and nights preparing interviews whilst Jenny, my wife, was preparing for the birth. It was easier then than it is now. We were just the two of us. My wife had a job, was on maternity leave, so money was coming in. At least for a while. But all those worries.
So when Colin came, I was happy. I loved this bundle of joy but didn’t really know what to do with him. I was a first time dad. That was new. That was for my wife, wasn’t it. And, I had an interview to go to tomorrow. So luckily I found a new job quickly, just a few days after Colin was born, and then off I went to work again.
It took me 6 months until I realised two things. The job wasn’t made for me (or vice versa), and I just missed out on the most beautiful time of my life. My first son, and his first few months on this planet.
Now, looking back, you will always find excuses. Many excuses why life determines what you do. And more often than less it is the job or some kind of commitment you made. And it is all about the balance but also about the compassionate love for your children.
It is the mother that loves a child unconditionally, like we all should love each other. It is the mother that has this great relationship with their kids. But, it is up to us blokes to make the most of it, and show our unconditional love too. I guess it just took me some time longer. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Also, as a man, and maybe that is another excuse, you look after the pennies, you are the bread winner, so that comes first, doesn’t it?
Maybe. For me clearly. I am very passionate about my work, enjoy working, and of course having a career. But, I more and more understand dads that take some time off. Or start working from home, making their home life a priority over work. I just couldn’t imagine that for me. I guess it is good that we are all different.
Now, I don’t have regrets. And, I don’t have plans to change anything in the near future. I see Colin as often as possible in the morning. Usually about an hour or just more. We play, we have nutella bread and a good laugh. Then I see him at the weekends, hardly at night. But that works for me. That works for many busy dads. As a former boss said “make sure you see your kids in the morning, you never know how long your working day will be”.
The next two weeks will be different than the first few days with Colin. I have a job, and a job to go back to. I have more responsibility which means I have to work a bit, but as little as possible, during my time off. I have staff to look after, I have things to take care off. But I can also turn the phone off, be at home, and just spend the whole day bonding with my new baby. Just cuddling up.
I am in control of what I can do. This time I am ready. I know what to expect. I have changed numerous nappies, bathed Colin a few times, have prepared bottles and know how to dress a baby. And I am loving it.
I am truly in love with Colin and will be with my next child. I pray that my wife and boy will be safe and that we can return from hospital soon after the birth. I just want to spend time with the family, protect them, cuddle them, and be there for them. Just 2 weeks of my life. Just a few days. No worries, no regrets. Just unconditional, compassionate love. I want to show love that is normally reserved to a mother for her children.
And from this intimate family time, I want to raise and carry that love with me. In my heart. As I will return to a new routine, a better routine, which leads us back to our normal life again….
I cannot wait for number 2 to appear.
PS: I write this post on Sunday, 6th of February, and it will be published tomorrow 12 pm. Maybe it has all happened already?