Posts Tagged happiness
Sunday Column (153)
Posted by Volker in Sunday Column on February 5, 2012
Santa's House. "What kind of architect are you?" - "I designed it without taking the pencil off the paper." - a way of drawing a house, very common in Germany.
On the private side of things we are making progress with the house buying/selling process. We went to Hassocks on Saturday and looked at a few properties: four and three bedrooms, newly build and older with character, or just “a house”. Some interesting viewings.
We drove our new car down there, so that was all good. Really enjoy driving the people carrier. You don’t feel as “cool” as in an SUV and hence you seem to drive a bit more relaxed. Not sure if it really matters though.
I suspect you are all curious to hear about the houses we looked at, the offer we received for ours etc. But I decided to only share that with people I would like to. Once things are complete, I am more than happy to share details here too. Just so much information: we will accept an offer on our current place on Monday, and we will make an offer on a 4 bedroom place down in Hassocks on Monday too. Fingers crossed all goes well, we will be moving before the summer. Wow! I didn’t expect things to move that quickly. But, then you never know how things might change, e.g. buyers or sellers pulling out. Happens. It ain’t a deal until you got the keys in your hands….
I guess that is enough excitement for us. All I need at the moment to be honest. Exciting but also draining. Decisions. Decisions. This week looks promisingly quiet. A conference, a day off on Friday for my boy’s 1st birthday.
Good days.
Have a great week,
Volker
Buddhist Thoughts about attachment
You might have noticed that I write less about Buddhism lately. No other reason but that I have less time, and that I run a bit out of some really good quotes. That will change again, I am sure.
I love to write a longer article about Attachment, however I currently review the Diamond Cutter book again. Said that, I still need to finish another MBA book I am reading. Only got two eyes for reading 
To be attached to one’s own happiness is a barrier to the true and perfect path. To cherish others is the source of every admirable quality.
- Tsongkhapa, “The Splendor of an Autumn Moon”
If you are attached to anything, your mind is not open for something new. If it is happiness you are attached to, you stand in your own way to find the right path.
Only if you are willing to give up any attachment and free your brain from any limiting thoughts, then you are free to find your path.
So, by cherishing others, you aren’t attached to your own happiness. And, you don’t create a new attachment, just share the love with other people and make them happy.
Could you wish for anything else?
Have a great day,
Volker
Sunday Column (146)
Posted by Volker in Sunday Column on December 18, 2011
A week today is Christmas Day. This year certainly passed quickly. But more about that next week.
This week I was thinking of warming up the crap I am hearing from Vodafone’s customer service but then thought that I get truly bored of incompetent companies’ customer service. But you already know that. Waitrose even didn’t reply to all the questions I asked them in an email but instead just focused on the first. What is wrong with those people? Or are my standards too high?
Enough. This week I was ill. I am still not 100% and have a few issues that are delicate to be resolved. I am loving my challenges lately. I enjoy my life. Actually I am happy.
So this week I want to talk about a very happy man: Postman Pat.
If you don’t know who he is, watch this video:
Postman Pat lives with his black and white cat in Greendale. Colin watches it all the time. Pat has a family, a wife that helps in the local community, a son that goes to school. They don’t have a dog, but other than that, they could just live in Beckeham.
They have this little house, maybe a 2 bedroom. Pat loves his job, enjoys going to work and being busy. He likes his breaks, his cup of teas, the banter. He is there to help, develop and jump in for anyone in the community.
Postman Pat, living in the little village seems untouchable from any economic crisis, price inflation, weather or Vodafone’s customer service. They live in their own little world, a small world, in which they are just very very happy with the situation they are. Like living in a bubble.
I am sometimes wondering if 2012 will find us the place were we can live in a bubble? A place to which I can come home to after my busy days and just go into a bubble where I don’t have to worry. Next year we have to make a decision on schools for the kids and where to live for probably the next 16-20 years. A scary and weird thought. But I hope it is going to be this place that is close enough to my work/London but remote enough for me to be happy in my little world where I can just be very very happy.
Have a great last week before Christmas.
Volker
Sunday Column (107)
Posted by Volker in personal, Sunday Column on March 20, 2011
This week showed once again how life plays with you. After coming back from Iceland, I managed to slowly catch up on sleep, get over it and go to work on Monday. Busy days, long days, few drinks, and little sleep made me very exhausted by Wednesday when life just hit us.
Rohan wasn’t right since the weekend, and Wednesday he had a temperature. Not a lot you might think, 38 degrees, but that might just be enough for a 5 week old. Instead of waiting for NHS24 to call us back, we went to hospital. Good that we did. Doctors never really tell you how worried they are but if they do every test on the planet and start to put antibiotics into your baby intravenously….then I have the feeling there is something not right. They don’t take chances with 5 week olds. They have to test it all.
Coming Thursday morning, I called in “sick” at work, e.g. I told them what was happening, that I only had about 2 hours sleep if that. Luckily I have a very caring company and a very understanding boss. I made sure to tell him too, it is fantastic that if there are family problems, you can count on your company. As the other way around, the company can always count on me. A silly comment but I think that is the way it goes. So I worked from home Thursday and Friday, whilst supervising Colin. I managed to sleep a bit as Rohan was away, and hopefully was more help to my wife at the weekend. Really, I slept 9 hours on Thursday night, after having a few glasses of vino and a great take away with the neighbours. They are great too!
Anyway, Friday morning I went back to the hospital and the difference was like night and day. No temperature, no messing about. Instead our good old Rohan drinking like there wasn’t a tomorrow, happy and chirpy. Babies just seem to catch things and shake them off again. Weird but wonderful. From one night with no sleep and thoughts of the worst case you go to a night of beauty, happiness and praise for modern medicine. We found a few things that might be wrong with him due to the 100 tests they did which means more doctor visits. But nothing overly serious. Fingers crossed.
Life is funny, isn’t it? From a relaxed Wednesday to a happy Friday with 9 hours sleep (in one night), a lot of scare and fright. All on top of your normal day and (work) load. Guess that is why you have kids, isn’t it? You know these things are hitting you. And they hit you when you least expect them, least need them. Just when you think no one is watching you enjoying life, it hits you. And you must love it. You must love your family to bounce back, to be the “man”, to be there for everyone. I hope I managed ok. I only cried twice.
Needless to say that the weekend was there to chill out. To recover, finalise nursing Rohan, giving Colin all the love he needs with mama being away….so hey, just another week I guess.
Roll on next week.
Have a good one,
Volker
Happiness – how do we create happiness?
Posted by Volker in cb consulting on February 15, 2011
Nic Marks: The Happy Planet Index – another fantastic TED Talk!
Early Mornings – time to give
As most of you know I am a fan of Reinhard Mey, and recently bought some tickets for his concert in October 2011. However, he sings a lot about his children, the joys and the beautiful moments he has with them. Martin Luther, quoted by Reinhard, said “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” The hope that the world exists past us is one of the greatest gifts.
I find that ever since I have had a child, ever since Colin entered my life, I started seeing things different. Early mornings for instance are different, and they are there to live them. Before he arrived we used to sleep in at the weekends, and we used to get drunk at night. We used to leave for the train last minute and sleep as much as we could.
Things have changed. Every morning now between 6:30 and 7:00 my natural alarm Colin is crying to say hello. He is crying to get his milk, to see us and start the day with us. It often, during the week is me who gets up. I sit with him, enjoy a cup of coffee, having my toast and he has his. We sit, talk and eat. We see the sun rise, and the bin man come and go.
It might sound poetic, maybe that is what it is. We are sitting together, enjoying the untouched day. I cannot wait for the winter with some snow, when we can be the first two to enter the snow and leave our prints. Me, with size 13, and him, with his tiny little feed. His steps are getting bigger, but he still likes holding my hand, and will for a while.
I enjoy those moments. I enjoy being with him, guide him, and show him the way. To show him the beauty of each individual morning, each early start.
And he gives me back. Smiles, cuddles and confidence that I am a good dad. I am trying to be anyway. It is almost like a love affair of smiles and cuddles, acceptance and respect. Sometimes better, sometimes not at all.
It won’t be long now, and our new arrival will be with us. I had never thought that I was so looking forward to the 2nd boy to join us. Another character, another one that smiles and gives you something back. It gives you a purpose in life, something that outweighs any rational.
That is what I am thinking about at 6.30 in the morning. Small things whether the tap in the kitchen or the BBQ in the garden will last become less and less important. Important is that life is about the bigger picture, about what you can give, pass on, and what survives you – eventually.
Life is about opportunities. And I get given a new opportunity every morning to change someone’s day and life. Every morning, I see for myself, when the sun comes up, I can see for myself what difference I can make by loving my children.
I am fulfilled by utter happiness.
Thank you Colin, thank you my wife!
Volker
Happiness
As promised I wanted to write more here. Now, this weekend in the Financial Times, FT Weekend Magazine August 28/29 2010, there was an article on Happiness. Nick Powdthavee reveals seven surprising new discoveries about happiness. Carl Wilkinson asks some happy people how they manage it. So here is the summary added with some of my thoughts.
Allegedly we overestimate the extend and duration of the emotional impacts of e.g. pay rise or death of a loved one. However what really seems to influence our happiness are things like family and friends. All we need to do is devote more time and energy into it, and we will be happier. But how should that work, where we spend most of the day working hard to earn more money to buy us happiness, like bigger cars, houses and more fun? A vicious cycle.
Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
What does that mean? Does that mean, similar to Buddhist theories, that the answer for happiness lies within us? Am I on the right track to discover what makes me happy inside me?
1) Money buys you little happiness: I suppose we already knew that. Not only do we spend more time with things we don’t enjoy (normally) that results in more money, hence we are less happy in order to earn more money? Studies show that poor people have a happier life than richer people because they focus on what they have (see above).
There is an interview with a mathematician saying “mathematics can help planning but doesn’t provide with all the answers“. I once met someone who thought that life can be explained by maths. I disagree but I believe that it is easier to comprehend life if you can put it into a formula. Look at great people like Pythagoras.
2) Friends are worth more than a Ferrari – again a disguise of money. Bigger house, bigger car…it is all in relation. How can you ever be content with what you have if you think that you have to have the most expensive item, the bigger item than your neighbour/peer?
3) Winning the lottery won’t make you instantly happy – Ok, I now see a clear pattern of this article. Again, money just let’s us being able to let go of worries like mortgages. If you are ill, have a disabled child and no friends, you are isolated, and money won’t help you change that.
A Likert scale puts values of “getting married” against money gain to compare it of £200,000 – how is that ever going to work. They don’t drill on this scale, but I believe that certain things, like getting married or having a child cannot and shouldn’t be measured in money. What about morale? Why do we have to put everything we do down to a value in money?
4) Losing your job makes you unhappy – but less so when others have too. I suppose if you look at the greater scale of things it damages your ego, but also your finances.
I begin to think that this article in the FT really tries to argue that happiness is not associated with money. However, when I read reason
5) Fat friends make you happier than thin ones, I was wondering. This has to do with comparison: if we think that people we really like are fatter and we compare ourselves to them and think we are better off, it makes us happier. Selfishness comes into play here big time. If someone else can eat, I can and still be slimmer than them.
Sir Tom Hunter who says that being rich makes him feel securer also adds that a positive attitude in life makes people happier, and ultimately achieve more. If you think that your glass is half full rather than half empty, you always will look for positive things and growth. This ultimately makes you achieve more things and you are pleased more with yourself. Makes very much sense to me.
6) Divorce can make you happy - it shows that if marriage fails and you break up, then you will get happier over time after your divorce. Now, this is another bad research if you ask me. If you are unhappy with ANY situation in your life, you would feel better and happier if you change that situation for the better. Common sense, no?
7) Happiness is contagious – happy people like to share their happiness with friends and family, so they ultimately get happier. They are happier, nicer, less hostile and their emotions are much more positive.
So overall an interesting article to evaluate whether you are happy, what you might want to change in your life to become happier.
I am happy: of course a lottery win would give me more security and more choice, but it wouldn’t make me happier. Success in my job, another healthy child, a healthy family will of course make me much much happier.
Nick published a book “The Happiness Equation” – in case you want to try to put it all in an equation?!
Loving your family
Now, I thought this is worth sharing.
Today, in the middle of a very busy day, I got “tagged” in a picture on Facebook. Hence I looked and found the one below.
I personally find this a treat. Like getting a surprise present. Like someone sending you a handwritten love letter.
Sunday Column (37)
Posted by Volker in personal, Sunday Column on November 8, 2009
This week I spent a lot of time with the family, and it becomes more and more important for me. Particularly since I started digesting more about Anthony Robbins’ six basic human needs. I write a post about this later on this week – it is very simple yet powerful stuff.
I think with the changes of jobs and life, e.g. the birth of Colin this year, I have a lot of things to digest and it is ongoing. It doesn’t help that I have the man-flu again and seem to have less energy overall. But, I am confident of getting there, some things just take time.
Maybe it is time for another review of being a dad? Things have changed so much. Colin is much more responsive, much more lively, eats food now and he gives so much more back. I hate it when I go to work and he is crying, looking at me. But that is life for you, unfortunately there isn’t this big lottery win so you can spend all of your day with your son. Life is odd in this way. But without work we cannot afford life and family. So it has to be done. But, it is still something I am getting used to. However, every other dad in this world has mastered it, so will I! Besides I love what I am doing, I love working and enjoy it. However, if I can afford it time wise, I work very hard whilst being at work, don’t do lunches and be very productive, but then leave on time to spend more time with the boy. This might change soon though as there are a few things coming up on the horizon that look like I might get busier.
So what did I get up to this week? Not much to be honest. I went to a summit on Tuesday about Local-Social. This was a very interesting summit and you can see the post in the blog with some thoughts.
On Wednesday I had my second last coaching session and I have the feeling that I make progress. Things get clearer and I understand my needs and objectives much better. Not 100% sure yet where that leads to but growth seems to be a mayor factor which satisfies me. That ties in with me ordering more books from Amazon about digital advertising, strategic thinking and inbound marketing.
With both the boy and me being ill – just a common cold – the weekend is rather slow going. We met a friend on Sunday and that was nice. I practised Tai Chi as we are getting closer to the end of the form. Fingers crossed for next week. Also, I went to clean up the garden for the winter and spend about 1.5 hours in the garden on Saturday. With the cold and all I felt really ill and knackered afterwards. Didn’t stop moaning all day 
Then I tried the cocktail from yesterday’s blog post and I can tell you: it tastes awful!
Overall I am very happy with my life at the moment. Lots going on but that is always the case, so no rest for the wicked. But, being happy and content, and having a wonderful family, is nothing you should ignore.
Have a great week. All love and happiness to you.
Volker
Sunday Column (9)
Posted by Volker in personal, Sunday Column on April 26, 2009
Wow. Time seems to be flying. Is it really Sunday again?
I need to re-cap my week. Monday was just a big catch up on things and sorting out schedules. Really, that was my whole day. Tuesday was an eye opening trip that made me think a lot about what to come. And, Wednesday and Thursday just flew past. Friday was great. A very enjoyable and productive day at work and my usual take away pizza – falling asleep on the sofa.
I feel like I am progressing in Tai Chi a lot and that my work life balance improves too. Why? Several reasons really. Firstly I started using a direct train from Beckenham to Farringdon. Saves me no time but the hassle of changing from tube to train which in the rush hour are heavily packed. However, it also means I leave the office 10 minutes earlier and have the feeling that I have a better cut between work and life. I don’t mind being on demand via blackberry all night anyway but with the nice weather it is great to get this flexibility, particularly since I start at 8 am anyway. So that is all good.
Secondly, my ipod gets me a lot of awesome podcasts, including innovative and managerial topics from top industry leaders. I really enjoy that. A really clever invention.
Also, which I think is the major part of my “new life” is the re-discovery of sports. Ever since I have been back to the gym on a regular 2x a week basis I feel much better. It not only gives me a “healthier” feel but also a good way of relaxing, de-stressing and calming down. That in combination with the podcasts which I listen to whilst exercising really help.
Now, on top of that we have met a lot of friends this week. Just yesterday we met with our neighbours and their almost 1 year old daughter and had a fab BBQ, a great time and lots to talk about. Today we had lunch with a great friend and had great chats. All that contributes to an almost perfect life.
I think these are my real thoughts at the moment. I am very happy. The summer is coming and all signs show that it seems to be a good year. How blessed am I?
Love and Kindness to you out there,
Volker
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