Posts Tagged love
Buddhist Thoughts – Partner’s Communication
Living with your partner, or being close with anyone – yes, this could be a work colleague, as we all know that we spend more time at work than at home – causes conflicts. That is normal.
Now today’s quote suggests the following:
It is very important that you do not compare your actions to your partner’s or judge your partner’s behavior as unskillful. Rather, focus on your own actions and take responsibility for them. Recall those times when you looked into your partner’s eyes and saw the pain you caused this person you love to suffer. If you can admit your own faults, if you can see how hurtful your actions were and tap into a sense of concern for your partner’s well-being, then compassion and loving-friendliness will flow.
- Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”
Bhante says that instead of fuelling the conversation and make it hostile, you should stop in your tracks and think. Take responsibility! Focus on your own action!
By doing so you are less or not at all hurtful. You focus on your own mistakes instead. Be understanding, reach out to your partner and sow the love.
In return you will receive love, happiness and less conflicts.
Have a great day.
Volker
Sunday Column (133)
Posted by Volker in Sunday Column on September 18, 2011
I don’t want to start with “what a week” again but it was….I squeezed my official working hours into a 4 hour working week and feel like Q4 has already arrived. With me pretty much being out of office for the remainder of the month, I am very busy catching up on things. But, things are moving in the right and a very positive direction. I am very excited.
Enough about work, as this week there were two main highlights. One was that I met my American friend again for drinks. We had a fantastic time and caught up again. Great night, fabulous time. I wish I will see him more often, and who knows, maybe I will. Catching up on 17 years and looking at the present and future just takes time. He is a true friend, it is fantastic.
The other highlight was the weekend. My wife decided to go away for the weekend. So I had a whole weekend with my boys. And I did enjoy it very much. It made me realise how well you have to be organised and how much you have to concentrate on the two little men rather than yourself. We went to a play group, had lunch, diner, play in the garden and the usual bath. They were both so exhausted that they fell asleep instantly on Friday. So did I after a glass of wine.
Saturday was different again. We went to town to do some errands, then played at home and had a wee nap. Including myself of course. Plan was to drive to the golf course to go for a walk but the car made a funny noise so I took it down to the garage – it might be the gearbox 
Just what I needed before our big trip to Germany next month. I guess better now than when we are on a big trip. So we walked around Kelsey Park and got soaked on the way back, heating and drying up in front of the fire.
I don’t want to sound too proud but I am, being able to get them to bed in time and being organised enough to get through the day was an achievement. I know that my wife does it every day and has a different routine but for me who hardly gets involved but the weekends, this is quite a thing. Of course, as my wife argues, she has to do a lot more stuff on top of “only taking care of the children”, where I might have taken short cuts. No ironing, less cleaning, disposable nappies etc. But, I was surprised how easy it was at times. If I wanted to do it again? A clear yes, but not on a regular basis. Maybe men are just not made for that 
But seriously: I think it made me realise how rewarding it is to be an entertainer for two young kids for a whole day. How responsible you have to be in order to feed them, change them and cuddle them at the right time. It made me realise what a crap dad I am at times when I forgot to take Colin’s milk or when I had to call my wife over again to ask small things that I didn’t know. Shouldn’t a dad know about everything.
Surely, I would have survived without my wife being reachable, but it helps. I value and appreciate her doing this job every day, and it made me realise that I should maybe more often take the boys out myself. I can do it. Maybe it would help my wife too if I take them a Saturday or Sunday. I always think it happens automatically when they get older, but I guess I don’t have to wait, do I?
Also by doing that on a regular basis, it will help me to bond with the kids. To understand their needs and understand where my wife’s challenges are. I love being able to help more, but as in many households, I decided I want a career. I love working and I am passionate about what I do. So it is difficult to be the best at both worlds. But, of course, I continue to try.
So I am glad once the wife comes home again and takes charge 
Next week will be busy. The ATS and dmexco are about to happen, so lot’s of catching up to do with media and exchange guys. I am really looking forward to that.
Buzz me if you are at either event.
Have a good one,
Volker
Sunday Column (107)
Posted by Volker in personal, Sunday Column on March 20, 2011
This week showed once again how life plays with you. After coming back from Iceland, I managed to slowly catch up on sleep, get over it and go to work on Monday. Busy days, long days, few drinks, and little sleep made me very exhausted by Wednesday when life just hit us.
Rohan wasn’t right since the weekend, and Wednesday he had a temperature. Not a lot you might think, 38 degrees, but that might just be enough for a 5 week old. Instead of waiting for NHS24 to call us back, we went to hospital. Good that we did. Doctors never really tell you how worried they are but if they do every test on the planet and start to put antibiotics into your baby intravenously….then I have the feeling there is something not right. They don’t take chances with 5 week olds. They have to test it all.
Coming Thursday morning, I called in “sick” at work, e.g. I told them what was happening, that I only had about 2 hours sleep if that. Luckily I have a very caring company and a very understanding boss. I made sure to tell him too, it is fantastic that if there are family problems, you can count on your company. As the other way around, the company can always count on me. A silly comment but I think that is the way it goes. So I worked from home Thursday and Friday, whilst supervising Colin. I managed to sleep a bit as Rohan was away, and hopefully was more help to my wife at the weekend. Really, I slept 9 hours on Thursday night, after having a few glasses of vino and a great take away with the neighbours. They are great too!
Anyway, Friday morning I went back to the hospital and the difference was like night and day. No temperature, no messing about. Instead our good old Rohan drinking like there wasn’t a tomorrow, happy and chirpy. Babies just seem to catch things and shake them off again. Weird but wonderful. From one night with no sleep and thoughts of the worst case you go to a night of beauty, happiness and praise for modern medicine. We found a few things that might be wrong with him due to the 100 tests they did which means more doctor visits. But nothing overly serious. Fingers crossed.
Life is funny, isn’t it? From a relaxed Wednesday to a happy Friday with 9 hours sleep (in one night), a lot of scare and fright. All on top of your normal day and (work) load. Guess that is why you have kids, isn’t it? You know these things are hitting you. And they hit you when you least expect them, least need them. Just when you think no one is watching you enjoying life, it hits you. And you must love it. You must love your family to bounce back, to be the “man”, to be there for everyone. I hope I managed ok. I only cried twice.
Needless to say that the weekend was there to chill out. To recover, finalise nursing Rohan, giving Colin all the love he needs with mama being away….so hey, just another week I guess.
Roll on next week.
Have a good one,
Volker
Ode to Jenny (or most mothers for that reason)
I wanted to write this post for a while, but focussed too much on the whole rant about customer service. Got a lot of bollocking for it too. Hey, that is just the way I am. Sorry if I bored you. But, working from home last week, triggered me to write another blog post, saying thank you to my wife, or for that reason to most mothers.
Of course I knew before having Colin that bringing up a child is hard work. And, in all fairness, Mr. Ballueder didn’t offer a good “customer service” when Colin was born. I was overwhelmed with what was going on in my life (just made redundant and going for interviews) – but more so overwhelmed with the sitution of “I am now responsible for this little package”. It took me a long time, probably very common for a lot of men, to adopt to the situation, coming to terms with it, getting involved and being the father the mother always wanted me to be.
Now enough about me, my wife Jenny is the one that put up with the child. It almost sounds negative, but from the days of pregnancy she was suffering. She was sick on her way to work in the tube, couldn’t sleep, was worried about my job, the future and from day 1 of Colin being here she was the one taking most of the burden. And, she did a fantastic job.
I think, and that is what most mothers say, only a mother feels like a mother does. Only she has the 9 months bonding with the child prior to seeing and holding it. She worries about it the moment it comes out (if not before). And she cares the moment it comes out. For her it comes natural doing all those things she has never done before.
Now, coming back, my wife is 7 months pregnant and has our lovely almost 18 months old toddler at home. He is a bundle of energy and joy. And whilst working from home I so realised how great my wife is and why she is so exhausted when I come home from work. The energy a mother has must come from the joy a child brings. From the pure fascination and drive to care for it. From the bond and love. That is why women are stronger than men, having more endurance. I admire that.
And, despite the snow, she didn’t get (or only eventually) tired of taking Colin to play groups, the crèche or just for a walk. Women are, and being a bloke I hate to admit it, the stronger gender. I wouldn’t be able to be pregnant, entertain a toddler and listen to my husband moan at the same time. Only a woman comes up with endless energy and drive to care for a child, entertain a child, nurse a child and the endless love for a child.
There is still a lot to learn for me. 18 months on, and I still haven’t learned in full how unimportant some things are in perspective to Colin. And in perspective to my wife.
I love you.
Volker
Dear Colin….
Dear Colin,
Guten Morgen, ich hoffe Du hast gut geschlafen. You look tired. Let’s be quiet, it is only just after 6, and mum still wants to have another hour or so before she has to get up.
Psst, come on, you have gotten out of your sleeping suit now for over 8 weeks. Please, don’t make it so complicated. I understand it is early, and you want your glass of milk but let’s be quiet.
Ok, careful down the stairs, watch your head. In a month or so, you will be too tall for me to carry you down the stairs. Colin, you are growing up so quickly. You get so much smarter and more engaging every day. I so enjoy watching you growing up.
Oups, sorry, forgot to tell you that I switched on the light. I know it is still too early for this bright hall light, let’s go into the Wohnzimmer to see what the cats are up to. Can you hear them meowing? Hansel and Gretel?
I sit you down on the sofa, and get you your milk from the fridge. Whilst you are sitting there, I put on your little shoes. I think they are already getting too small. And, you only got them a few weeks ago. I think we better order new ones at the weekend.
I then dress you in your cute little dressing gown you got from grandma. You look like a proper grown up, ready to relax all day. But if you knew what all lays ahead of you: playgroup, visiting your pals and going for a walk.
Now, next steps. Look at the Kuckucksuhr – the cuckoo. We let it out and it cuckoos now for 12 times and you get this shiny smile on your face. This smile saying “I was hoping you let the cuckoo out, it is so funny to see this one appear every morning”.
And whilst you are sitting on the sofa you can hear my toast popping out of the toaster. You get up to run into the kitchen. You see me putting this brown sweet stuff, Nutella, on the toast. You cannot wait to taste it. And you do. Just a mini Colin bite that makes you smile again.
You bring over your most favourite toy whilst I sit down on the sofa myself. The box where you have to put round and square pegs in. You never get bored of it. You let me empty it over and over again until you want another drink, you call it “bit”.
So I go back into the kitchen, make myself a coffee. You still cannot figure out the concept of this warm, good smelling drink I am having. You are so curious and I need to lift you up to see the espresso machine. The funny noise and all. You love it, you want to learn, soak it up and one day do it yourself. I am sure about that.
Now, I get you a bowl of rice crispies, or a slice of this cinnamon fruit loaf. You love to be fed. Not for long though. You want to do more and more yourself. Colin, you are growing up so fast.
I notice the time. Darn, these 90 minutes passed quickly. Time to wake up mum, and get her to look after you. Now, of course, just before I leave you need to do your morning poo. Whilst I change your diapers and you roll around, trying to whinge yourself out of my grip, mum comes to the rescue. Her iphone apps keep you busy until you are clean.
Bye bye Colin. Winke winke. I see you in the morning. I am off to earn money for some more diapers, rice crispies, and shoes. Of course I am going to miss you, and you are upset to see me go. But you soon will figure out what life is all about. That we have to make sacrifices, that work can be fun, that being away all day doesn’t mean I am gone, and that sometimes in life you have to make decisions.
When people see my laptop or my office, they see pictures of you. I proudly show them the latest picture I have of you on my phone. Darn proud I am of you, my eldest son, Colin Heinrich.
I often speak to people about what I wish for you, and that this might be completely different to what you might wish for for yourself. And, that I shouldn’t put too much pressure on you, whilst I should still try to get you on the right path. The path that your mum and I want to chose for you. However, you will soon develop your own thought, opinions and ideas. And, you soon won’t care if I am gone all day. You might even prefer it.
But until then, I hold on to those precious mornings. The time we have together. The time we can spend together, have breakfast and some play about.
Colin, have a good day.
I love you, and see you in the morning,
Your Dad.
Sunday Column (9)
Posted by Volker in personal, Sunday Column on April 26, 2009
Wow. Time seems to be flying. Is it really Sunday again?
I need to re-cap my week. Monday was just a big catch up on things and sorting out schedules. Really, that was my whole day. Tuesday was an eye opening trip that made me think a lot about what to come. And, Wednesday and Thursday just flew past. Friday was great. A very enjoyable and productive day at work and my usual take away pizza – falling asleep on the sofa.
I feel like I am progressing in Tai Chi a lot and that my work life balance improves too. Why? Several reasons really. Firstly I started using a direct train from Beckenham to Farringdon. Saves me no time but the hassle of changing from tube to train which in the rush hour are heavily packed. However, it also means I leave the office 10 minutes earlier and have the feeling that I have a better cut between work and life. I don’t mind being on demand via blackberry all night anyway but with the nice weather it is great to get this flexibility, particularly since I start at 8 am anyway. So that is all good.
Secondly, my ipod gets me a lot of awesome podcasts, including innovative and managerial topics from top industry leaders. I really enjoy that. A really clever invention.
Also, which I think is the major part of my “new life” is the re-discovery of sports. Ever since I have been back to the gym on a regular 2x a week basis I feel much better. It not only gives me a “healthier” feel but also a good way of relaxing, de-stressing and calming down. That in combination with the podcasts which I listen to whilst exercising really help.
Now, on top of that we have met a lot of friends this week. Just yesterday we met with our neighbours and their almost 1 year old daughter and had a fab BBQ, a great time and lots to talk about. Today we had lunch with a great friend and had great chats. All that contributes to an almost perfect life.
I think these are my real thoughts at the moment. I am very happy. The summer is coming and all signs show that it seems to be a good year. How blessed am I?
Love and Kindness to you out there,
Volker
Highway Romance….
…or romantic highway.
What used to be the wild west and the carriage is now the car and the motor way. Or not quite?
I am just on my way back from York, about 2 hours on the train from London. No nice car, no carriage (luckily) but a great view from a comfy seat. Shouting children, young ladies and sleeping adults. Might take a nap myself in a while.
What has changed since the good old days of carriages, horses and the wild west?
For me: WIFI. I can sit in a train, watch the country side passing by, having WIFI access in the train (and that for free) and write on my blog about having a romantic feeling looking over the country side. How great?
England is actually quite pretty. Up here in West Yorkshire. Down in Kent. Just London seems to be different. Neither does it feel particularly English with many foreigners and accents (including myself of course) but also it is a different feel – it is a city. A big city. A city that has a lot of green, which can be romantic too but, compared to the green countryside, it will stay a “town”.
Not sure what I actually would like to say here but that England has a nice countryside. No doubt.
Best Wishes to London, be home soon.
Volker
http://www.balamadana.com/
Posted by Volker in Buddhism, cb consulting, personal on April 26, 2008
A new URL, a new name, a new project!
Shortly, Marcelo and I, wil launch http://www.balamadana.com/ – a site that explains a little bit about Buddhism, Management, Personal Development. It is similar to cb consulting, www.cb-consulting.co.uk, a more Buddhism focused project.
Our blog will be on blog.balamadana.com
The beauty is that Marcelo is living and working in Brazil whilst I am still in London – Our path crossed a few months back and now we go a path together. Both working hard but we decided to bring joy and help to our friends out there by giving tips, hints and love!
In Buddhism we have “bala madana” which is part of a ceremony for those who have tantric empowerment and they are always together. That is how Marcelo introduced me to the name.
That means in a general sense: “body and soul”, bliss and emptyness, union of sutra and tantra.
For me, that name which reminds us of our names, symbolizes two souls for one idea.
Stay tuned – we will shortly launch www.balamadana.com officially.
what makes us happy
Posted by Volker in motivation, performance, personal on April 1, 2008
what does make us happy – i was wondering tonight when i got an email from a dear friend, that no matter how stressed we seem, how wonderful work can be, how awful life could be…if you are touched by a friend, his/her story, his/her love – that really takes the pressure off and you feel happy.
if you have a good friend, a boy/girl friend, a partner/wife/husband, children, pets and they “touch” you, e.g they hug you or send you their love, that is what makes you happy. they send you positive energy.
real love, the purpose of life, not money or material goods make us happy!
It is the inner peace and the strengths that comes from within that makes you happy and perform. The love that radiates from your heart or your friends’ hearts into yours. That is what makes you happy and in return ready to perform the tasks you need to do.
Thank you for touching me tonight.
your friend!
Volker Ballueder
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