Consulting | Coaching | Mindfulness | Podcast | Author
Consulting | Coaching | Mindfulness | Podcast | Author
Posts related to change management.
This path has a gate at the end.
A gate to heaven?
A gate to pastures new?
To new opportunities?
Will the gate be open when we get there?
What will the path be like?
Curiosity will lead us down the path.
Uncertainty will keep us going.
Be confident.
Be bold.
Don’t look down to test the path, focus on the gate at the end. Make it your goal. You will get there.
Don’t worry.
Picture: Butcher’s Wood, Hassocks
Rhonda Byrne in the Secret Newsletter the other day wrote the following:
Your job is you and only you. When you are working in harmony with the law, no-one can come between you and the Universe. However if you think another person can get in the way of what you want, then you have done a flip to the negative. Focus on creating what you want.
You are the centre of divine operation in your life, and your partner is the Universe. No one can get in the way of your creation.
I liked that quote for several reasons. The Law of Attraction means whatever you do in life comes back, a bit like Karma. It is also about you attracting the same things until you break a pattern.
That makes me reflect on the problems I had with the car, all the illnesses (colds) I had at the same time, annoying customer service from both the car people and my online shopping provider. I get wound up by it and I seem to go from one case to another until I break the cycle and MY attitude.
Instead of focusing your energy on what you don’t want, you need to identify the positive things, things you really want. In your job, in your personal life, everywhere.
So be positive and try to focus on the things you want in life, not the ones you don’t want. Because you are the centre of your diving operation: you are in charge of your thoughts and your life.
Give it a go. Be positive.
I get a daily newsletter with Buddhist quotes. Hence I like to collect the most inspiring ones and put them in my blog. Similar to what I did with Balamadana back in the days.
Most quotes have been in my draft folder for a few months, if not years. So here we go with one:
How very happily we live, free from busyness among those who are busy. Among busy people, free from busyness we dwell.
– Dhammapada, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.
Now I recently couldn’t travel due to the sickness of my children. However, as I had holidays booked, I just ended up with two and a half days without any plans whatsoever but helping my wife and spending time (!) with my kids.
Time. Free time is almost unheard of. We all work a lot, normally 9 to 5.30, often to 6.30 and most often much longer. We are people that enjoy working (and I speak about people like myself), and we should probably or most certainly take a day off. Or compensate for over time. Not because we don’t value time at work or because it might be our right to do so. No, we should take time off because we need to.
We need to relax, unwind and take time for ourselves. Children really help you to de-stress and relax when they are in good form. Of course they can be awful, ill or very annoying at times, but the majority of the time you spend with them, it takes you back to “point zero“. You relax. You see the world with their eyes, more relaxed, more simplistic. It is great to unwind.
You become more productive if you are sitting down and unwind. Taking a break at work helps you to increase your productivity. Employers start realising that.
So as a self conscious Buddhist, someone who is at ease with him/herself, you should be able to have a calm and relaxed mind. A mind like water, being focused and concentrated whilst you ignore the busyness going on around you. You are the rock. You are the one that stays relaxed, not being bothered by what the environment tries to put upon you.
It takes a lot of practise but it is possible. You decide! You are in charge of your destiny and the way you live your life. Take charge.
Watching this short story makes us think – it makes sense what is said. And we already know what is said. The living in the now, the realisation that you might die today, that life is not forever.
Be happy, and be a good dad. That’s what matters.
This week I continued to listen to the mp3 of Anthony Robbins, and the six basic human needs:
1. Certainty/Comfort.
2. Variety.
3. Significance.
4. Connection/Love.
5. Growth.
6. Contribution.
Having worked with my coach for a few week, and had another coaching session this week, I realise that these basic six needs are very important. Let’s assume you are in a relationship, in a job, play chess in a club, or anything that is important to you, and none or only one or two of these needs are met. How long would you stay in that situation and not change it? And why?
For argument sake, you are in a relationship but your partner doesn’t give you security because s/he is going off to gamble the hard earned money. Then s/he doesn’t’ show any love or connection to you and your kids, and you feel like you cannot grow or contribute to the situation at home. As Anthony would put it, the blueprint of your life of what you want to achieve and life itself are not equal. You are very unhappy.
Then this is the time for change! Change to either solve the situation if you can or get out of there. Find a situation that meets three or four of your basic human needs.
If you watched the video above you can see what I am talking about. It is just one of many videos on YouTube, so if you do a search for “Anthony Robbins” and “six human needs”, you should find answers to:
a) What is stopping us from having the life we want?
You ever tried to blame others for the situations you are in? It is my boss, it is the work environment, it is the commute, it is my neighbour, it is my wife/husband, ….. – there is only one person you have fully control over and that is YOU. You are the one that can change people, situations and of course yourself. You decide – have choice – to develop yourself the way you want. The answer for anything lies within you, something I try to explore with my blog on Buddhism and Management which is currently paused.
b) What is controlling and shaping your choices and emotions?
What is it you would like to achieve? Which pattern/behaviour do you have? How could you break it? Why do you do what you do? Look from the outside in and experiment what would be if you changed. Get a coach to do a time-line exercise to understand what you are looking for.
c) Why do we do the things we do if it is so easy to change?
This comes down to pattern, behaviour and routine. Don’t you get up every morning and have the same routine. And if something disturbs you in it, don’t you hate it? And, you cannot change any pattern without finding a substitution that meets the same needs.
Anthony says that if a habit or a pattern meets at least three needs it becomes an addiction – in a positive as well as a negative sense. If jogging or sports meet three needs then you might get addicted to sports, but if smoking gives you security, comfort and love as well as contribution to a social group, then this habit will be hard to break. So you need to find an alternative that meets exactly the same needs by doing something different!
Have a think about it and please leave a comment or contact me if you would like to find out more.
In this weekend’s FT I read about Richard Thaler who wrote a book called “Nudge: Improving Decisions about Health, Wealth and Happiness“. Of course I ordered it straight away.
Since I did not know who Richard Thaler was, I had a look. He is the Ralph and Dorothy Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioural Science and Economics at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. Wow, what a title. He was advisor to Obama in his presidential campaign.
His book “Nudge” discusses how organizations can help to make better choices. The term “choice architect” was defined as someone who displays choice in a way for other people to chose, e.g. he uses the example of someone who writes out a school menu and depending on whether the healthy or unhealthy option is first, that “architect” influences the decision for lunch.
Below is a video I found of his presentation given at the RSA, the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce, in London. Enjoy and please let me know what you think. I cannot wait to read his book!
I have been asked over the last few days, what cb consulting really is? What am I doing as a marketing and management consultant?
It is both a playing field for SEO and web design but also my first own company. I founded it not short of 2 years ago to start selling some of my services, e.g. performance coaching, life coaching, career coaching, trainings and seminars, to some friends and corporates.
However, at that time and even now, I am still working full time to earn my living that way. And, I do not really want to change that or give up the security of my day job.
cb consulting really is a good way of showing off my skills and offering them to the greater world. I have excelled in helping people achieving their dreams, dream jobs and personal goals.
Also, I am about to start my first online marketing consulting project – keep your fingers crossed. Combining the right tools to reach the objectives.
Coaching is not always the easiest thing to do. You don’t really want to tell people what to do but be there for guidance and helping them to identify their own goals. Only if the goal has been clarified you can lay out the path for them with the client playing the mayor part. There is no use of a coach outlining any steps to a client if the client does not know where they are going.
Sometimes clients get set-backs. Getting them back on their feet, visualising their goals and get them to re-focus is a great challenge. Only who has been down and got himself up again understand how to it is to be on the floor, not knowing what to do and where to go.
Particularly in the recession career coaching becomes very important. So tune in and let me know how I can help you today?
I want to complete the story about managing stress which I started on Wednesday.
How do we cope and manage stress so it does not affect our health nor our life style?
I guess one thing is the perception and your internal attitude towards things.
E.g. researchers still speak about negative and positive stress and some say that the latter should actually help us, similar to exercise. But the majority of articles say that it does not matter how you perceive stress, as in general it cannot be good for you.
However, if you think positive, you will be able to generate less stress. E.g. you cramp up less and you have less physical tension. That will help you to think clearly and get less wound up.
Exercise and hobbies – you remember in my last post I was writing about them. Yes, you need this all important time for yourself. You need that time and ideally combine it with a relaxing hobby, e.g. walking the dog or exercising. The latter combination would be best as e.g. exercising reduces your blood pressure combating heart diseases and if it helps you to reduce stress, it is a powerful healthy combination. Wow, we should all do it. I have done it but get too lazy doing it. Really, we just need to keep up the good work, don’t we? Ideally do it in a group. The group exercises I joined are more fun and you are more motivated staying with it than doing any exercise by yourself.
So looking after yourself, taking a break from work, not working through lunch and relaxing whilst you work will help you. Healthy food definitely contributes to that. Stay away from greasy, fatty stuff.
Also, if you were in a situation that causes stress, confront it. This could be anything from work to your relationship. Don’t ignore the problem. Make sure if you travel to sort things out in advance and not to leave it until it is too late, e.g. be organised to get your passport, visa and immunisations sorted!
And, that is really it. Doesn’t sound that hard, does it?
I believe that in order to successfully manage stress you need to be aware of the problem, discuss and tackle it and get on with it. You need to create a healthy work life balance. With the right balance you will even be better at what you are doing, e.g. your work or studies.
So get on with it. Live it!
You might have guessed. I keep talking about stressful days, times at work and my love for work for a while. On the other hand I am talking about how much I love it. Contradiction? NO!
I love what I am doing and how much I am doing of it but I often get carried away and forget all about work life balance.
But, I noticed that some days stress can get to me. Some days more than others and I thought, what is missing in my life that has been there before?
– exercise
– hobbies
Overall, it comes down to my hobbies being what I love most: work at my main job and cb consulting, working on my blogs and websites.
Excercis: yes, I have neglected it too long and have to get back to a routine. And, I will! Not only did I start Tai Chi, but I also started going back to the gym. First once a week and I want to increase it to twice a week. As they say, the ant cannot eat the elephant in a day, it needs to have a bite at a time. Be patient Volker!
My friend at Balamadana says: Volker, I have known you for years and I believe you have all the right intentions but something gets in your way. You need to change and you will…. – and, he is right. It is about time.
Enough of a self analysis. I am neither stressed nor strained but I believe I sometimes let things get to me and do not switch off as easily as I used to. In uni for instance I had my hour exercise a day plus was less bothered about things. Guess that is what people say about student life, don’t they.
So, in this post about “managing stress” I want to see what stress is. Is there such a thing? What about positive or negative stress. Most of mine is positive but if you ask a doctor it still has the same effect on your body.
Oxford Brookes University published a nice website explaining:
Adaptive stress helps us rise to life’s challenges. Adrenaline, nor-adrenaline and glucose flow into our blood: we get a buzz of energy and feel alert, focused, and creative. Negative stress occurs when our ability to cope with life’s demands crumbles. If we don’t break down the stress chemicals (e.g. through physical activity) they stay in the blood, preventing us from relaxing. Eventually this results in a permanent state of stress. That initial buzz turns to worry, irritability or panic. Challenges become threats; we doubt our ability to do even simple things and problems appear insurmountable.
Wow, that sounds like a downward spiral. There are so many things that cause stress. I remember me not being able to cope with high speed drives after the experience of a car accident. And sometimes I cannot stand loud noise or when our neighbours used to be noisy at 4 am in the morning, that really caused stress.
There are 3 factors how stress affects us:
Physically: our heart beats faster, our blood pressure increases, muscle tension, butterflies in your stomach and faster breathing…..
Mentally:you might start having “weirder thoughts” or cannot “think straight”. Worrying is probably the main effect, and negative thoughts.
Emotionally: Fear, frustration, impatience, anxiety, insecurity and depression.
So how do we cope best with stress? I write about that the next time.
I was speaking to a friend earlier today. Really, I was helping him to get his CV updated and to tidy up his cover letter. Unfortunately, that was more work than I thought it was.
He has been with his company for a few years, has been in a few jobs, however the recession makes him fear he might lose his job soon.
So he asked me to look into that and since I run my own consulting and coaching business I was more than happy to do that.
He was pleased with the fresh input I gave him for his CV, the way he can sell himself much better now. And, he also is much more confident to apply for jobs and do his cover letters too.
I said, no problem, anytime. He answered that he would like to pay me but instead suggested to pay 2% of his new job’s salary to me. With his position, that could be a nice promise if he keeps it.
Maybe I should offer that to everyone – if you run your CV by me and cover letter, I help you to identify your goals, aims and objectives to where you want to be and coach you to find a job. You then pay me an agreed percentage of your new salary.
He got me thinking – did I get you thinking?
With Coaching it is all about having a personal consultant that looks at your processes, your aims, your career and identifies where you want to go. S/he helps you to see how you can get there and gives you support on the way. Why not try today?
Contact me through the contact form on the right or via my contact details of cb consulting.
Have a great weekend,
Volker
