Tag: believing

Ballueder Thinks (2) – I believe in you

To believe in someone, you have to believe in yourself. That’s my opinion anyway. Did you know, according to Coach George Ravelin who was interviewed on Tim Ferris’ podcast the other day, not many parents tell their children that they believe in them.

The coach, now 82, also talks about ‘staying alive’ was his goal for most of his life, living in America as a black man. Every time he got stopped by the police, he feared for his life. A sad, yet fascinating podcast. It takes me back to my life in Kansas. A year as an exchange student, being pressurised into (soft) drugs, guns, drinking, sex and witnessing racial discrimination. It might sound horrible now, but at the time, I thought that’s what America was like. This is over 25 years ago, and I had a teacher back then, I might add a black teacher, who told me that he believed in me, and that one day I will become someone great. Whilst I still wonder when this might be, I wonder if I am already there. Who knows what ‘great’ really means?
You were a great mentor, Dr. Stone!

I have witnessed racism against me at the time, and against black people. I have witnessed a lot in my life, that I have forgotten, or pushed aside. But I believe in myself. That’s the main thing. And, I am very keen on making sure my kids believe in themselves, and their lives moving forward. When my son had his birthday recently, I wrote exactly that in his card. Hopefully, he will read it over again. And he starts believing in himself.

Whilst this is all 25 years ago, it sometimes comes back to the top of my mind. Just recently I remembered some scenes from that time, and it feels wrong now. No one would blame me, being 15 at the time, to not stand up for things I felt were wrong then, but felt I couldn’t speak out about back then. This is all a very long time ago, but you sometimes wonder what I have learned from all that. A whole lot I’d say, as I am someone who processes things and likes to reflect on things. And, I am willing to learn, to strive and make things better.

What have you done 25 years ago when you look back? It might sound as if I was a total idiot. Actually, I don’t think I was, given the environment I was in. But comparing it to the environment I came from, maybe I was 😉 It’s all good, wounds heal, yet it also gave me a deep inside into the heartland of America, the Mid-West. I learned a whole lot, made some really good friends too, and to this day would like to visit again. And what we Europeans often forget is the size of America. Kansas, where I was, is only about 20,000 km2 smaller than the UK as a whole. Or, to put it into perspective, Kansas is the size of the UK minus Wales. That’s a big country for one member state of a bigger United States, and it would have its own dynamics.

Enough about that, as with everything in life, we live and learn. I recently decided to launch a business with someone else. This is very exciting. And of course I will reveal more as we go along. We are still pretty much in stealth mode. We spoke the other day and had a good chat. Business for us is about TRUST. Trust for me comes back to belief. I believe in him, and he believes in me. We believe in what we do and how we will trust each other. That’s more powerful than a contract I suppose.

There is something else I wanted to write about. Teaching. Now, my dad and uncle both were teachers. Both in Germany, both successful in moving up the teachers’ ranks, and both have had a good life, brining up a family, owning a house etc. It is pretty much a good middle class family job. When I grew up, and most children do, I wanted to become a teacher. I wanted to do what my dad did. Thinking back, I am glad I didn’t become a teacher. Despite Covid19, and teachers going through a tough time, they also have a secure pension and a secure income. However, the income of a teacher will most likely always be lower than the income of someone in the open economy, however that’s not why you become a teacher. It’s because of passion.

I know that now, but back when I finished high school, it was all about the money for me rather than the passion. I wanted to become a CEO, a manager, and that was it. And, to a certain extend, I still love working with people, grown ups, and manage and coach/consult them. Now, you could argue, I am an adult teacher. Not quite, but kind of fulfilled two areas, e.g. being an expert in what I do, and passing that knowledge on to others. I couldn’t be a teacher, that’s for sure. In the UK, teachers are worse off financially than in Germany too, but that is another topic in itself. And me dealing with more than two children at a time isn’t my idea of fun either.

The point I am leading to, is that in life you should follow your passion. Which, to a certain extend, I did. I did it without the right reasoning. In NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming), we differentiate between two motivational directions, e.g. moving towards something and moving away from something. In my case, I moved away from teaching for the reason of earning potential and moved towards consulting for the reason of earning more money and having a ‘career’. Coming to a point in my life where I am launching my own business, working with my own clients, I essentially realise I got the best of both worlds. I am teaching, training and helping people to achieve their goals. I guess I arrived at my destination, didn’t I?

Let’s stick with that thought for a moment. What if, based on what was mentioned above, I am already great and where I should be in life, then the next few years will be key to proving that what I am doing is successful. As you know, based on my podcast, success is defined by your own individual perception of success. So it could be money, or building something, or proving something.

For me, the next few years are about building a business that I can take with me, no matter where in the world I live, and which I can operate remotely too. This way I want to be Covid19 safe, and add value to anyone globally. I want to help people achieve their dreams and tell more people that I believe in them, and that they can achieve their dream. Things will always fall into place, no matter what.

And whilst I fear Covid19’s impact on the economy as much as the upcoming recession (or the recession that’s here already), and Brexit, and whatever else might come, e.g. a 2nd wave of Covid19 or another virus or global warming – for me it comes back to believing that anything is possible. I believe, despite fear and anxiety of the future, that we as humans will survive. We will find a way off this planet before we destroy it, or we find a way of not destroying it; and I find a way of making my business grow during a downturn. And, in the end, I want to look back in years to come and be proud of what I have achieved.

But I don’t want to be alone on the journey. I want to have enough time for my family, help them to believe in themselves. I want my friends, mates, coaching clients and consultant clients to believe in me, and them to believe in themselves. I want to help and give people confidence in what they do, and support them on the way. If I can achieve that, and make the world a better place in my circle of influence, I achieve success.

Now that’s something to live for.

And every time I think about that, there are people that come to my mind, people I met in Kansas, people I met in London and elsewhere on my way, that do not get it. People that tried to f* you over, that couldn’t be trusted, that treated you like sh*, and didn’t care. People I sometimes think about with compassion, sometimes with anger to be honest, how they could treat me, and a lot of other people, in a certain way. I don’t wish them bad or anything. I am not an evil person, just the opposite, I hope they find peace in what they do. And more often than not they were obsessed by either a wrong ideology or greed. Latter, mainly in the business sense.

My whole life I have and will always try to treat people with the utmost respect. Without prejudice. I hope that Covid19 will help people to see the human aspect more. With all the video calls, we look into living rooms, meet business’ contacts children and dogs. We are getting closer to each other, trying to help each other. That can only be a good thing.

I am a strong believer in Karma. That anything bad you do in life is coming back to you eventually. I also believe that anything good you do in life is coming back to you. The circle of energy, proven in my mechanics class back at university, the forces in any system need to be equalised for the system to be stable. Simple math really.

We are who we are. I am who I am, and you are like you are. Konrad Lorenz, who I read as a teenager, wrote a book called ‘I am here, where are you’ and ‘the so called evil’. I am here, who are you? How can I help you to achieve more? How can I help you to be more successful? How can we avoid evil? I enjoy helping and do that via my coaching. I love helping others to grow and do that via consulting. That’s what I do.

Yes, I could do with more business, but I am confident that once Covid19 goes, and we go back to a more normal business life, that things will continue to flourish. Where would humans be without optimism and belief?

It is key now to not give up. I know a lot of people who are looking for a job, or looking for others to help them. Let me know, I am happy to help you. I don’t have all the answers, but I have all the belief to move forward. Today I am positive.

And when I say today, then this means that some days are dark. Like for anyone at the moment, we have more time to think. Someone I know and lives in the USA, was debating whether to return to the UK. In our times, we have to make decisions where we want to live. How our outer circumstances define our living standards. Happiness, which is the topic of a podcast in a couple of weeks, is key. We, as humans, will always seek happiness. We think that by going somewhere else we are happier, and yet we might find out it’s not the case.

As many in these difficult times, we think a lot. One day this, the other day that. Stay or go. Whatever you are thinking about, you will notice that it changes all the time. And the reason is simple, we cannot plan at the moment. We think that by changing things we will be in a better place. That might or might not be the case, and our thoughts are a bit clouded.

The best thing is to sit down, and take stock. Write down what you enjoy/don’t enjoy, and what is important to you. Look into the future, taking into consideration that you cannot determine the future, and that it is likely to change too. Change is constant. Nothing is set in stone. You can only live in the now.

Then evaluate, talk things through with a person you trust, and wait until Covid19 has passed. Make a decision then, with a clear mind, a mind that can start planning a bit more. Don’t rush into anything that you might regret or didn’t think through, having less information and parameters due to the situation we are in. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make decisions.

At the end of the day we always need to move forward, whatever that means in your situation, and however big or small that step might be.

In the end, you have to believe in yourself and make sure you believe in others.

I believe in you!

Sunday Column (395)

Has this week finished yet?

IMG_6281

Yes it has. We won 3.60 GBP in the lottery. Must have been a lucky week. And warm it was. 30+ degrees, little sleep, a cold and some runs. 25K runs this week and then a minor operation on Wednesday. All back up and running again 😉 But running has to wait until mid next week.

It was a busy week. Ups and downs. Despite having some time off for above op, it was very stressful. And the main reason, as outline below, is that I am in between jobs. That’s probably the best way of putting it. But more below.

Sometimes it is helpful to reflect. To see what is happening and good to chill out and come down. Reflect and take stock. What is happening, what is working, what isn’t. Where have I gone wrong lately? What has worked well lately? How can I improve?

Life shows itself in various ways, and sometimes one has to let it happen. One has to lean back, take it in and enjoy the ride. I am trying, and sometimes it is easier said than done.

How can I improve myself has been a major topic of mine for a long time. Personal development. Productivity. And just when I end up thinking that most things have fallen into place, I am where I am, and ready to learn more, to conquer the world, to make it happen. Then things seem to fall apart again. Can you win?

Yes, you can. Believing. The end is near, life goes on, and you are unstoppable. You can win if you put your mind to it and if you believe you can. What if you changed your whole life, take a side step in your career, or change your career entirely. You will make it work, no matter what. And it is exciting, isn’t it? Lean back and enjoy the ride that life has in stock for you. It always works out in the end and that for whatever reason the universe decides.

Driving is a new feeling, as I found out earlier in the week. I took the motor for a spin, and boy, not a sports car, but the difference to the Alhambra is immense. I am loving it, and looking forward to many fun years with it. Until of course they bring her/him out as a SUV, next year allegedly. Now, maybe I change the lease then 🙂 Having flexibility and fun in driving…I feel like life is back in town. The struggle of starting a career whilst having young children seems over. To the next 10+ years of my life. NB: I am not 40 yet, however statistically I am at the point where my career and life should really take off! I believe it will.

enjoy the ride

But seriously, the last few years have been functional. Family, small kids, the right child seat, the functional car, etc. We are now moving on, out of the baby stage into a more fun stage with the boys and at the same time we are in a position to finish the house renovation, make our life the way we want it and offer a good life to the boys. Yet, we are also looking around how we can increase and improve other people’s life. And that’s important to me, one of my values in life. I would like to spend more time on that moving forward.

The highlight of the week was Thursday. School leaving assembly. Yup, my oldest finished primary school. Wow, at his age I only just started school. He loved it. And I found that he was very mature in ‘moving on’ from it, very functional about ‘I am not going back, ever’. Guess he got this unemotional side from me, yet I did shed a few tears when one of the kids started crying as he didn’t want to leave school. Bless. They are at a fantastic age. Now on to 6 weeks of summer holidays.

In other news:
I can now say that I signed my settlement agreement at work, in other words, I am leaving my current employer. I cannot talk about why and how, but in the public domain it is known that the company decided to change the way they offer the service I have predominately been selling. The service I evangelised for them over the past 2.5 years. Hence I am now seeking new employment, the next exciting step in my career.

Feel free to contact me with ideas or anything you think we should discuss. You will understand that I won’t speak about any details here, for legal and professional reasons. It was all amicable in the end, so all good, it always is. They will do well as a company, I am sure, and I am confident things will move on for me too. Fingers crossed. For the time being I help to wind down the current product and my official end date will be confirmed in the next couple of weeks.

It isn’t the first time I took redundancy. Relocation of offices, changes in structure, product and politics have lead to redundancies in the past. It often happens in our industry and I can say that I know many people, see last week’s post, that took redundancy. In other industries this is being seen as a problem, and most companies rotate employees every 2-3 years to avoid people getting bored, but in our industry redundancies are very commonplace. Acquisitions, change of strategy, start up and growth companies, changes in direction….are all too common in a young and dynamic space.

So where does that leave me this weekend?
I am dwelling on a few things. I am thinking about a few things. I am moving forward. I don’t dwell on the past. I am excited about what is there to come actually.
Because I BELIEVE. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I know that things work out in the end. That’s the key and as long as you believe that, and trust in the universe, things are going to be ok. They will always work out. Believe in the universe sorting you out.
Positive Energy creates Positive Energy and causes a ripple effect.

If you can be bothered, have a look at Anthony Robbins “I am not your guru” on Netflix. It is a documentary about his five day workshop ‘Date with Destiny’. What he does is very simple, and yet very effective. By using a variety of techniques, and a lot of love and emotions, he shows people their real value in life and why certain situations in life haven’t worked out for them. Together with his team of coaches he transforms lives for the better, for good. For some this might be too much, or a bit cheesy, for me it is a great example on how someone dedicates his life to transforming people and making this world a better place. Amazing.

So this summary shows that a week can be very varied. On Friday night I met a few folk for drinks. London. Ale. Friends. It cannot get better than that. We spend a relaxing weekend with the family. The kids are off school. I am trying to find some peace and wind down. Getting my wife’s cough 🙁

Breathe in, breathe out. Life is good. And it goes on and on and on….

Speak next week, no doubt! 😉

Volker