Tag: fear

Ballueder Thinks (2) – I believe in you

To believe in someone, you have to believe in yourself. That’s my opinion anyway. Did you know, according to Coach George Ravelin who was interviewed on Tim Ferris’ podcast the other day, not many parents tell their children that they believe in them.

The coach, now 82, also talks about ‘staying alive’ was his goal for most of his life, living in America as a black man. Every time he got stopped by the police, he feared for his life. A sad, yet fascinating podcast. It takes me back to my life in Kansas. A year as an exchange student, being pressurised into (soft) drugs, guns, drinking, sex and witnessing racial discrimination. It might sound horrible now, but at the time, I thought that’s what America was like. This is over 25 years ago, and I had a teacher back then, I might add a black teacher, who told me that he believed in me, and that one day I will become someone great. Whilst I still wonder when this might be, I wonder if I am already there. Who knows what ‘great’ really means?
You were a great mentor, Dr. Stone!

I have witnessed racism against me at the time, and against black people. I have witnessed a lot in my life, that I have forgotten, or pushed aside. But I believe in myself. That’s the main thing. And, I am very keen on making sure my kids believe in themselves, and their lives moving forward. When my son had his birthday recently, I wrote exactly that in his card. Hopefully, he will read it over again. And he starts believing in himself.

Whilst this is all 25 years ago, it sometimes comes back to the top of my mind. Just recently I remembered some scenes from that time, and it feels wrong now. No one would blame me, being 15 at the time, to not stand up for things I felt were wrong then, but felt I couldn’t speak out about back then. This is all a very long time ago, but you sometimes wonder what I have learned from all that. A whole lot I’d say, as I am someone who processes things and likes to reflect on things. And, I am willing to learn, to strive and make things better.

What have you done 25 years ago when you look back? It might sound as if I was a total idiot. Actually, I don’t think I was, given the environment I was in. But comparing it to the environment I came from, maybe I was 😉 It’s all good, wounds heal, yet it also gave me a deep inside into the heartland of America, the Mid-West. I learned a whole lot, made some really good friends too, and to this day would like to visit again. And what we Europeans often forget is the size of America. Kansas, where I was, is only about 20,000 km2 smaller than the UK as a whole. Or, to put it into perspective, Kansas is the size of the UK minus Wales. That’s a big country for one member state of a bigger United States, and it would have its own dynamics.

Enough about that, as with everything in life, we live and learn. I recently decided to launch a business with someone else. This is very exciting. And of course I will reveal more as we go along. We are still pretty much in stealth mode. We spoke the other day and had a good chat. Business for us is about TRUST. Trust for me comes back to belief. I believe in him, and he believes in me. We believe in what we do and how we will trust each other. That’s more powerful than a contract I suppose.

There is something else I wanted to write about. Teaching. Now, my dad and uncle both were teachers. Both in Germany, both successful in moving up the teachers’ ranks, and both have had a good life, brining up a family, owning a house etc. It is pretty much a good middle class family job. When I grew up, and most children do, I wanted to become a teacher. I wanted to do what my dad did. Thinking back, I am glad I didn’t become a teacher. Despite Covid19, and teachers going through a tough time, they also have a secure pension and a secure income. However, the income of a teacher will most likely always be lower than the income of someone in the open economy, however that’s not why you become a teacher. It’s because of passion.

I know that now, but back when I finished high school, it was all about the money for me rather than the passion. I wanted to become a CEO, a manager, and that was it. And, to a certain extend, I still love working with people, grown ups, and manage and coach/consult them. Now, you could argue, I am an adult teacher. Not quite, but kind of fulfilled two areas, e.g. being an expert in what I do, and passing that knowledge on to others. I couldn’t be a teacher, that’s for sure. In the UK, teachers are worse off financially than in Germany too, but that is another topic in itself. And me dealing with more than two children at a time isn’t my idea of fun either.

The point I am leading to, is that in life you should follow your passion. Which, to a certain extend, I did. I did it without the right reasoning. In NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming), we differentiate between two motivational directions, e.g. moving towards something and moving away from something. In my case, I moved away from teaching for the reason of earning potential and moved towards consulting for the reason of earning more money and having a ‘career’. Coming to a point in my life where I am launching my own business, working with my own clients, I essentially realise I got the best of both worlds. I am teaching, training and helping people to achieve their goals. I guess I arrived at my destination, didn’t I?

Let’s stick with that thought for a moment. What if, based on what was mentioned above, I am already great and where I should be in life, then the next few years will be key to proving that what I am doing is successful. As you know, based on my podcast, success is defined by your own individual perception of success. So it could be money, or building something, or proving something.

For me, the next few years are about building a business that I can take with me, no matter where in the world I live, and which I can operate remotely too. This way I want to be Covid19 safe, and add value to anyone globally. I want to help people achieve their dreams and tell more people that I believe in them, and that they can achieve their dream. Things will always fall into place, no matter what.

And whilst I fear Covid19’s impact on the economy as much as the upcoming recession (or the recession that’s here already), and Brexit, and whatever else might come, e.g. a 2nd wave of Covid19 or another virus or global warming – for me it comes back to believing that anything is possible. I believe, despite fear and anxiety of the future, that we as humans will survive. We will find a way off this planet before we destroy it, or we find a way of not destroying it; and I find a way of making my business grow during a downturn. And, in the end, I want to look back in years to come and be proud of what I have achieved.

But I don’t want to be alone on the journey. I want to have enough time for my family, help them to believe in themselves. I want my friends, mates, coaching clients and consultant clients to believe in me, and them to believe in themselves. I want to help and give people confidence in what they do, and support them on the way. If I can achieve that, and make the world a better place in my circle of influence, I achieve success.

Now that’s something to live for.

And every time I think about that, there are people that come to my mind, people I met in Kansas, people I met in London and elsewhere on my way, that do not get it. People that tried to f* you over, that couldn’t be trusted, that treated you like sh*, and didn’t care. People I sometimes think about with compassion, sometimes with anger to be honest, how they could treat me, and a lot of other people, in a certain way. I don’t wish them bad or anything. I am not an evil person, just the opposite, I hope they find peace in what they do. And more often than not they were obsessed by either a wrong ideology or greed. Latter, mainly in the business sense.

My whole life I have and will always try to treat people with the utmost respect. Without prejudice. I hope that Covid19 will help people to see the human aspect more. With all the video calls, we look into living rooms, meet business’ contacts children and dogs. We are getting closer to each other, trying to help each other. That can only be a good thing.

I am a strong believer in Karma. That anything bad you do in life is coming back to you eventually. I also believe that anything good you do in life is coming back to you. The circle of energy, proven in my mechanics class back at university, the forces in any system need to be equalised for the system to be stable. Simple math really.

We are who we are. I am who I am, and you are like you are. Konrad Lorenz, who I read as a teenager, wrote a book called ‘I am here, where are you’ and ‘the so called evil’. I am here, who are you? How can I help you to achieve more? How can I help you to be more successful? How can we avoid evil? I enjoy helping and do that via my coaching. I love helping others to grow and do that via consulting. That’s what I do.

Yes, I could do with more business, but I am confident that once Covid19 goes, and we go back to a more normal business life, that things will continue to flourish. Where would humans be without optimism and belief?

It is key now to not give up. I know a lot of people who are looking for a job, or looking for others to help them. Let me know, I am happy to help you. I don’t have all the answers, but I have all the belief to move forward. Today I am positive.

And when I say today, then this means that some days are dark. Like for anyone at the moment, we have more time to think. Someone I know and lives in the USA, was debating whether to return to the UK. In our times, we have to make decisions where we want to live. How our outer circumstances define our living standards. Happiness, which is the topic of a podcast in a couple of weeks, is key. We, as humans, will always seek happiness. We think that by going somewhere else we are happier, and yet we might find out it’s not the case.

As many in these difficult times, we think a lot. One day this, the other day that. Stay or go. Whatever you are thinking about, you will notice that it changes all the time. And the reason is simple, we cannot plan at the moment. We think that by changing things we will be in a better place. That might or might not be the case, and our thoughts are a bit clouded.

The best thing is to sit down, and take stock. Write down what you enjoy/don’t enjoy, and what is important to you. Look into the future, taking into consideration that you cannot determine the future, and that it is likely to change too. Change is constant. Nothing is set in stone. You can only live in the now.

Then evaluate, talk things through with a person you trust, and wait until Covid19 has passed. Make a decision then, with a clear mind, a mind that can start planning a bit more. Don’t rush into anything that you might regret or didn’t think through, having less information and parameters due to the situation we are in. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make decisions.

At the end of the day we always need to move forward, whatever that means in your situation, and however big or small that step might be.

In the end, you have to believe in yourself and make sure you believe in others.

I believe in you!

Sunday Column (442)

I love flying out on a Tuesday. The planes are emptier, the airport is busy with tourists, yet things seem to go smoother than Mondays. Soon I have to fly both ways from Heathrow again, Easyjet stops flying out early from Gatwick. However, as I am going less often, this will be manageable. I didn’t miss not flying last week, and the boys truly enjoyed having me around. On Friday I had a half day, which was to look after the boys. We had an amazing weekend: bowling, pizza, going on the bikes and just having loads of fun.

The weekend was topped by my oldest son’s birthday on Monday. I managed to work from home. So not only could I complete another run but also be there for the 7 am, with him being awake from 5, unwrapping his presents. A new pod or Walkman was the main present, another cosy blanket, and a fidget cube. His actually birthday party was this weekend with a trip to Laserworld. Whilst I cannot believe that he is 8 already, I sometimes wonder how time flies.

Also, we went to the youngest school fair. I remember going to that fair a year before we moved to Hassocks. It is a village get together, a catch up amongst dads, mums and kids of course. A great way to spend a sunny summers day. Great to see you all.

When I was 8, I am sure, I cycled around town on the roads. Maybe I didn’t. My oldest isn’t, and I am still protective of him going up the hill and cycling down in our quiet cul de sac. Maybe our generation is too overprotective. Maybe we fear the worst. Last weekend, we took the bars on the side of his bed off. He still wiggles a lot but claims he slept in beds at friends without bars and didn’t fall out. What if he did? He won’t die falling out of bed. But we fear for their safety and security.

No, I am not knocking fear. Just the opposite, fear is healthy. The reason I write about it, is that Tim Ferris in his latest TED talk is speaking about conquering fear. One of his guests stated that if you make easy decisions you have a hard life but if you make hard decisions, you have an easy life. We must make decisions and approach and conquer fear. One must ask the question what the worst possible outcome would be, and if that’s happening, what would you do instead? How could you escape the worst possible situation if what you fear actually happens?

A coping mechanism. And that’s what in my opinions systems are all about. In my book I write about best practises to work on your own systems and define your own habits, routines: systems. Due to lack of time I havnen’t really started to formalise a more condensed approach, e.g. a seminar or one pager or video. This is still all to come and my next project on the horizon. Life doesn’t have to be difficult. Even with doing two jobs, I don’t feel that I am overworked. Sometimes there is too much to do, but on most days I manage fine. Delegation, systems, decisions and focus are key. However, when I worked from home the other day, I was sitting in the living room around 7.30 pm and thought I should carry on. I don’t normally have that much time, but I did miss the 3 hours commute that day, on which I normally finalise a few projects. Systems absolutely help to get on top of things, stay on top of tasks and manage team members well. Yet, more often than not, I am still the one doing more than others, just because I very much enjoying it. Life couldn’t be better at the moment I find, and it seems as if I am settling in just fine.

Just as I think life might be a routine itself, and it never is, there are new challenges ahead, and new decisions to face. Being surrounded by great teams and support staff, I think we can turn up the heat one more bit. I want more out of life, enjoy it more by achieving and experiencing more. Life becomes almost like a drug where achievements sporns me on. Where I feel like I would like to achieve more. This isn’t even about money, ownership and possessions but about owning experience and learning, knowledge and a better system to cope with more. This is particularly true in times like these where we don’t know what the Brexit strategy is or how our government will look like in six months time. Uncertainty is part of our life, in politics and elsewhere, yet Systems stabilise those and make it bearable and conquerable.

One decision I can speak about soon. I want to discuss it with some friends and noodle on it. It is a sporting challenge, but as one says, if you are thinking of already doing something, haven’t you made your decision already? This goes in line with some news I heard this week and some connections I made this week also. Positives and Negatives. Life is yin and yang. And we should honour what we have, and enjoy whilst we can. The terrible fire in London this week reminded us yet again that we never know what’s around the corner.

I guess I talked enough about systems and fear today. In other news I had a quite enjoyable trip to Germany this week. Short and sweet or Kurz und Knackig (short and cross/crisp (?)) as the Germans would say. It is funny how some things cannot really be translated. I came across a quote last week ‘ein Affe auf dem Schleifstein’ which just doesn’t translate. A description of a monkey bending over a far too small tool/table. The look you get if you put your 8 year old on a bike of a 3 year old. Never mind.

Have an amazing week,
Volker

Sunday Column (432)

The joys of travel makes it almost enjoyable to sit on an old Southern train on a Friday, bumping in the seat, as I go into the office. The usual routine is back and I had a chance to see both the wife and the kids before I headed out of the house. The life I chose to be living. As I finalise this piece, my kids are sitting in their PJs entertaining themselves, the wife is making lovely bacon butties and I have a strong cup of Joe. Saturday, sunny, and maybe a BBQ on the cards. Life can be pretty awesome.

Friday, and that is not what I anticipated, a terror attack in Stockholm. As I said on Twitter, I was in Stockholm when it happened in London and I was in London when it happened in Stockholm. My friends are safe in Stockholm. I am shocked. I said it then and I say it now, we will see more of those attacks. Terror. Not a lot of casualties but fear. Cheap, little preparation. Stay safe everyone. Then there was Syria. Wow. I don’t know what to say but I am more scared of stupid people than of smart people. And you know what I mean by that.

Anticipating how the week would develop, see comment above ‘or not’, I started my ‘new routine’ this week of flying into Germany for a few days with a lazy Monday night. That was very much needed, and deliberately planned. So I started the week with a long sauna session followed by eating healthy salad, watching ‘The motorcycle diary’, a story about Che Guevaras. The right thing to do. Balancing your life.

I cannot say I know much about him, but he travelled and experienced a lot new input biking across South America. I have not travelled much to new and exotic places (yet) however lived in different cultures since I have been 16. That’s a different experience. A different input. So watching the movie and for Che Guevaras to realise that he is no longer the one he was, stroke a cord with me. I am no longer the me I was when I lived in Germany 16 years ago. Or in the USA 20 years ago. Life moved on and experience took over, and one got busy having a family and all. But we are still we, aren’t we?

Those experiences determine how we react. For our German team we did a personality test (red=driven, blue=organised, yellow=creative, green=team person) which determines your main character. Similar to Meyers Briggs this test just looks at your favourite personality treat but uses colour to determine your preference (see above as a rough guide). I am, of course, red. Driven, determined and GSD (getting sh* done). I strive on productivity and love getting lots done doing two jobs at the time. I try to not let anything slip through the net, but cannot promise to go into every little detail as necessary. That is a challenge for me but as they say, it is interim. This interim position got a lot of traction in the German press which I sincerely enjoy. See my Linkedin profile for details.

So whatever made you the person you are, determined your connections between your left and right brain, and whichever experience helped you to be who you are and achieve what you got, you will always go back to your childhood values. Can you tell I have been in Germany, getting back to making those long winded sentences (Schachtelsatz) 🙂 Values often don’t change but come out in different ways. The basic you, the one that doesn’t change, is still there, even after all those years and experience. And this is what I find fascinating, to still get adjutated (sometimes) with the same things by getting a trigger in Germany. Pushing the button on small things that I had long forgotten. That includes words, actions and attitudes. An amazing muscle/brain memory function of going back and making those connections mentioned above.

As I start writing this post I am about to take off from Hamburg. A lovely city. A nice city. It is funny how every airline seems to take off slightly different, like a different driver of a taxi, getting used to Eurowings. Moving forward I will go back to Easyjet at least for the outbound journey due to a) costs and b) convenience. Also, in all honesty I enjoy the extra challenge of having two jobs on one company, however difficult it is to manage sometimes. It is fun and satisfying. I strive on a challgene and love the company I work for. I do. And the more challenging it gets, the better the job right?

So I managed to wrap up the week from London and focus my energy on my two little boys over the weekend. Actually I don’t think they are that little anymore. It is great to see them again and make sure they know I am still there and love(d). I cannot wait to spend more time with them over Easter. I managed to bring back some new Pokemon and some Pokeballs. And some Gummibears of course and NicNacs which are still not available in the UK. Allegedly, so I heard years ago, there is some licensing issues around it. You’d never knew.

With those thoughts about the constant evaluation of life and work, character and personal destination, I want to close for the week. I can see an increase in downloads for my book which is nice and encouraging and hope it helps people to organise their life’s systems. Link on the right hand side.

Have an amazing week ahead of you.

Love and kindness,
Volker

Sunday Column (411)

trump

When a week starts with little sleep, you know it is going to be a long one. Hey ho, no surprise then. Additional to little or bad sleep came a virus. Nothing serious but I caught myself drifting away in meetings and just falling asleep. I felt knackered all week but surprisingly pulled through. Tough lad 😉 I couldn’t stop exercising, needed my daily early morning fix. To top a Monday after a busy weekend, we had a trespasser on the line and it took me 3 hours to get home at night. Some kid wanted to go on YouTube and ran on the tracks. WTF? To not miss my appointment with the embassy, I was worried and panicking about trains on Tuesday morning. But I made it and soon I have a German ID card. Why? See below. And I wondered then, whether this week could be any more eventful…

The non reliability of train services is something I am fighting since I moved to Hassocks. The challenge of not knowing whether you make it home or when. The “no control” of what’s happening and the “no information” drives me potty. Our old place, Beckenham would have been a 60 GBP taxi ride, this could have been done. Hassocks is more like double that. So far I always managed to get home and that’s the main thing. Having said that, I shouldn’t jinx it, but I am sure it is fine. One day the train companies won’t strike, the company will understand the needs of their customers and so on….anyway. I am learning to not get annoyed about it and accept it. Not always easy though. Yet whenever there is a delay, plans and meetings need to be re-arranged and cancelled. This shines a bad light on me. But I made it home every night. Not like others. The news about the tram accident hit me this week, how awful. Too well do I know that bit of the tracks, having lived in Beckenham and used the tram regularly.

Coming back to trains for a minutes. I am not accountable for Southern’s f* ups but I am responsible for my own work. I worked on the train Monday night, got a seat (commuter experience I suppose and a bit of luck) and got a lot done. There is a silver lining. You trade that with no dinner, not seeing the kids and an early start the next day. Another bad night sleep, it was a few times my youngest woke me this week due to nightmares or needing the loo. Thanks R, anytime 😉 At least it is not our new mattress which I believe is great: less back pain unless I sleep beyond 8 hours, which doesn’t happen very often. I can live with 6 hours sleep but would prefer a good 7 hours now and then. Never mind, avoiding alcohol and eating little keeps me focused and productive. I like to think so anyway. My exercise on top and energy is flowing. I am winning first thing in the morning, so how can Southern take that away from me? They can’t and won’t. I resent them. I am not even hating them, they are just not worth my time. So I stop writing about them, shall I 🙂

delay

I haven’t shared my thoughts about the new Macbook yet. My watch is great, an expensive fitness tracker with some nice features. Exactly what I wanted and I am enjoying it. Then I am debating to get a new Macbook. But the tiny one is not very powerful, yet enough for what I do. The Pro is nice but not necessary, too powerful almost but has this nice bar. Is it really useful so? I bet it is but not for me. So balancing that it comes down to my tax return next year and timing. Maybe the Macbook Air gets a facelift in Q1 and I get a new version then. Or they stop productions it. We shall see. But nothing out there that excites me but our new stove fan, which essentially just circulates hot air. However this is useful if your wood burner is buried in a hole in the wall like ours. So that was a good investment. Speaking of which I had to buy a new rucksack for work. My current one, after the first one broke within warranty, broke again. This time outside warranty. I opted for a cheaper version, why buy the same again if I anticipate it not lasting longer than 18 months. Bad quality, overpriced. Amazon review is not pretty.

Just when I thought I covered the week and wanted to congratulate the first female president of the United States….I was equally shocked to when I woke up and saw the results as when I woke up and saw the Brexit results. Donald Trump winning the election. Is that the dawn of a 4th Reich? Will he be as bad as people make him out to be. Surely not, one would hope. But we said that before. I am scared a bit. Markets are down. Brexit. Now Trump. What has the world come to? An article I shared on Facebook points out what we have been seeing for a while, something I strongly believe in. As we humans going through phases in our life, following patterns, so do nations, so does the world. Up and down. From liberal to radical and back. As if each generation needs to re-learn what we just been through. As if we cannot learn from the past. And some don’t. The article I read can be found History and Brexit and Trump:

Challenges for people seem to be the following:

1. They are only looking at the present, not the past or future
2. They are only looking immediately around them, not at how events connect globally
3. Most people don’t read, think, challenge, or hear opposing views

Isn’t that scary. And analysis shows it isn’t really the blue collar, low income class that voted for Trump. We cannot pin it down to intellect, probably American working class has a lot more common sense! Adolf is long out of most people’s mind. Most Americans (no generalisation intended, but I remember conversations when I lived in the states…) won’t even know about the 3rd Reich, or even think that’s just something in history that happened. And it did. But how could they learn from it given the distance they had to it. They are too far away, even Europeans have difficulties remembering it, which is even worse. I am scared. I am afraid that the things that changed in this world and made this world a better place come to an end. The fall of the Berlin wall. The end of the wars. Stabilisation in the Middle East. Peace across the world, or the majority of it.

history

When I grew up I was dreaming of things based on what I knew. I now know things have changed. Technology has advanced. I dreamed of having two phones, one downstairs and one upstairs, to make private calls. I had no idea that I wouldn’t have a landline today. We cannot anticipate that things stay the same, so maybe change is good. We must be hopeful and we must believe in better. Look forward as Tim Cook said, moving forward together. That the human kind, which is a surviving kind, will pull through and will ensure us surviving and creating a better world. It strengthen my belief that it is down to us to make things happen, take massive action, to educate and to explain this to our children. We have to take on the challenge and responsibility for generations to come. I tried speaking to my 5 year old on Wednesday morning, and he asked if the world cracks when the “bad man” wins. I kissed him and said that love will always win, and that the world won’t fall apart and that we humans are a surviving species. And here is another dad trying to explain things to his daughters. And from one dad to another, let’s hope our children understand and never differentiate people on the basis of gender, race, religion, belief or origin. Never again. Aaron Sorkin’s letter is Vanityfair.

I am putting in for a British citizenship, hence needed the ID card. I am hoping to create a better future for my children. I want to stay in the country I love. That is what I am hoping for. What I cannot control is people and people’s decisions. Or maybe I can. I guess anyone reading this post will be influenced by my thoughts. Maybe I should go more public trying toI will continue to observe this thought.

We could discuss life purpose and all, but I guess that’s for another time. This post is a lot longer than anticipated. But what a week? Most people will get on with their daily life, go to work, do what they always done and end up shrugging their shoulders, thinking Trump is only in America, far away. We cannot do that and make the same mistake that in my view the Americans have done in the 2nd world war. We cannot wait until late to get involved. We must be aware and step in soon enough to stop anything awful happening. That is what scares me.

I am not someone for praying and above shows there can not be any evidence to do so. Yet I would suggest us all to pray, to gather and hope for the world to turn better again. And hopefully it will, one day anyway. We must believe in the love and the good in people and help educate the world. I fear to answer to my children in a few years time, and I cannot not be accountable for this world going to shambles. We must take responsibility for our nation and world. Everyone together, baby steps, and forward together.

Before I ramble on, I better stop. I am sad, not even angry. 9/11 passed this week. 11/11 passed this week. Lets not forget.
It’s the end of the world as we know it. Times are changing. Let’s hope and action for the better.

God bless America. God bless the world.
Volker